


Seventeen

by julien (julie)



Series: Due South 90210 [1]
Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1997-10-10
Updated: 1997-10-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:41:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22822723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/julien
Summary: Seventeen-year-old Ray Vecchio is pretty sure he’s queer, and very sure that he wants to explore the notion with his friend Frank Zuko. Frank seems interested at first, but then things go horribly wrong… and that’s when Ray meets a Canadian kid, Benton Fraser, so maybe all the trouble will be well worth it.
Relationships: Benton Fraser/Ray Vecchio, Ray Vecchio/Frank Zuko
Series: Due South 90210 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1640716
Kudos: 3





	Seventeen

**Author's Note:**

> **First published:** 10 October 1997 in my zine Pure Maple Syrup 6.

# Seventeen 

♦

Ray Vecchio was known here at the Zuko house. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t have walked up the path, and knocked on the front door, and asked to see his buddy Frank. They would have let him in, whichever goon was on door duty tonight, or maybe old Charlie. But Carl Zuko was not a man you wanted to have notice you if you could possibly avoid it. Ray had known Carl, and been friends with his son Frank, all the seventeen years since Ray was born – and Ray did not want Carl Zuko knowing that he was here tonight, did not want Carl to know what Ray intended to talk to Frank about. This had to be private.

So Ray clambered up the vine growing along the side of the house, and negotiated his way over the little false roof running around just over the first floor, and then he tapped at Frank’s window.

‘Hey, Ray buddy,’ was the amiable greeting. Frank had too much polish to help haul Ray inside – he stood back out of the way while Ray landed in an ungainly sprawl on the floor.

Honestly, Ray had grown three inches in the last year, his limbs now shot out helter skelter, and his Ma was having a hard time buying him new clothes. She’d suggested Ray wear his father’s hand-me-downs, but Ray had avoided that so far. He shuddered now at the thought.

‘Cold out there?’ Frank asked, seeing this.

‘Yeah. A little.’

‘Should have worn something warmer.’

Ray looked down at himself, dressed only in his snug black jeans and a white t-shirt and a sage green sweater. ‘Er, I couldn’t climb in anything bulkier.’ Frank accepted this, though the truth was that these were Ray’s coolest threads, and he’d wanted to look as good as possible. He didn’t have much to work with, so every little bit helped.

‘Hey, have you got that stuff on the chemistry exam for me yet?’

‘No, not yet, Frankie.’ Ray figured that Frank was clever – but Frank never made an effort he didn’t believe he had to. If there was a smarter way to accomplish something rather than actually doing the work himself, Frank did that.

‘So, what did you want?’

 _You_ , Ray thought, with so much yearning that he was amazed Frank didn’t hear him, feel him. ‘I wanted to talk to you about something.’

‘Yeah, what?’ Frank prompted after a long moment of silence.

‘I’ve been thinking a lot lately.’

‘Getting into bad habits, can’t have you thinking too much, Raymond.’

‘Yeah,’ Ray agreed with a grimace. ‘Well, you know I like girls. Always have, always will.’

‘Of course.’

‘You remember all that trouble I got into over taking Anne down to Nicky’s basement?’

Frank gave an appreciative gurgling kind of laugh. ‘Pity you got caught by her father before rather than after, huh?’

‘The thing is, Frankie,’ Ray said, wondering how the hell he had the nerve, but the only way was just to spit it out, ‘the thing is, I kind of figure I like boys as well.’

‘What?’

‘I think I’m queer.’ There, he hadn’t said the word aloud before. It wasn’t so awful. ‘I’m queer.’

A long silence. Well, it was probably only a few seconds, but it felt like forever. ‘And why are you telling me?’ Frank asked.

Ray let out a breath that should have been a laugh. ‘Fear the worst, Frankie, and you’ll be right.’

‘You got the hots for me, Raymond?’

‘I guess I do.’

‘Oh.’ Frank seemed relatively unsurprised by this – perhaps he figured that anyone who liked guys would naturally be attracted to Frank Zuko.

And Ray could see that point of view easily enough. Frank was undeniably handsome, with his deep brown eyes and neat features, and his body was compact and well-shaped. If you liked that sort of thing. After giving the matter all due consideration, Ray Vecchio figured that he did, indeed, like that sort of thing.

‘The way you’re looking at me…’ Frank said.

‘Sorry,’ Ray mumbled, making the effort to turn his head away. He could feel a blush rising through all of him, not just his face, and he was grateful the room was dimly lit.

‘You’re not sorry. Come over here.’

Startled by this soft command, Ray stared at Frank for a moment before obeying. Those few seconds’ wait had felt like forever, and these few steps under the scrutiny of those dark eyes felt like a hundred miles. But eventually Ray stood there in front of his friend. Too close, and not close enough.

‘Touch me,’ said Frank.

‘Aaahhh,’ Ray moaned. He hadn’t expected – well, he hadn’t known what to expect, but he was surprised at this apparently instantaneous cooperation. ‘Do you…’ He stumbled over the question. ‘Are you queer, too?’

‘I don’t know. Let’s find out.’ And again Frank said, ‘Touch me.’

Clumsily Ray reached out, fingers shaking ridiculously as he traced Frank’s square jaw, pushed a palm back over that soft dark hair. Focused on that firm mouth; and suddenly there was nothing in the world except those lips there waiting. Ray leaned in closer.

‘Don’t kiss me, Ray.’

‘No?’ he whispered.

‘You can touch me, but don’t kiss me.’

‘All right.’ Ray pulled back a little, regained his balance. Explored the handsome face a while more, ran fingers through the clean fine hair and discovered the shape of Frank’s head. Eventually became brave enough to lower his hands to his friend’s neck and shoulders, massaged their firmness. And throughout these caresses, Frank gazed at him, his gaze intense and unreadable. Ray murmured, ‘Can I…?’

‘What?’

Without explaining, Ray let a finger fall to drift across a tiny nipple, hard through the cotton of Frank’s t-shirt. The boy actually responded to that – he drew in a breath, hissing in surprise. ‘Do you like that?’ Ray asked.

Frank said very severely, ‘It tickles, Ray.’

‘A good tickle or a bad tickle?’

‘Don’t push it.’

Ray sighed, and let his hands drop to his sides. ‘Sorry.’ His gaze just wouldn’t stop hungrily exploring the other boy’s body, though. It was a wonder he’d even got that far.

‘Hey, you giving up already? This is the trouble with you, Vecchio – you always quit too soon.’

‘Oh yeah,’ Ray said with a laugh, ‘and if I didn’t listen to you telling me _no_ , I’d be in trouble for that, too.’

‘Are you saying you can’t win with me?’

‘You got this _damned if I do, damned if I don’t_ thing down to an art.’

‘Why, to hear you talk, who’d think we were friends?’

‘I don’t know, Frankie. No one.’

‘Hey,’ Frank said slyly, ‘you can win with me tonight.’

Ray just stood there, breathing. He remembered to breath; that was good.

‘Get down on your knees,’ Frank whispered. ‘Hold me.’

He almost whimpered, he wanted this so much. Ray dropped to his knees, wound his arms around his friend’s waist, and pressed his face to that firm stomach. It was warm, even through the t-shirt. Ignoring the first instruction he’d been given, Ray let his mouth wander where it would. And Frank let him, so that was all right. Ah, this was just as good as he’d imagined. ‘I’m queer,’ Ray muttered, lips moving against a boy’s taut stomach. ‘I’m queer.’

‘Would you –’

‘Anything,’ he declared.

‘Go down on me.’

Ray’s arms tightened convulsively, and – there! – Frank’s excitement pressed through his jeans and into Ray’s breastbone. Electrifying. However, being asked to perform such a bold act… _Wow_ , Ray thought, _that sure is leaping in at the deep end_. ‘I don’t know…’ he murmured, torn between his fear of the unknown and his need to do anything with Frank, anything that Frank would let him. But Ray was the one who’d started this, so there was no point in chickening out now. And it wasn’t as if he hadn’t done vaguely equivalent things with Anne and a couple of other girls.

Fumbling, Ray worked on the button and zipper of Frank’s jeans. With some amount of awe, he pushed aside the denim and the cotton shorts, and reached inside for Frank’s cock. His hands were trembling. It felt odd doing this, kind of like touching himself before jerking off, only everything was the wrong way round. For a few moments, Ray just got used to the whole idea, stroking gently at his friend, making Frank even harder. Either Frank was really enjoying this, or it had been a long time without for him, for it seemed he was rather excited. Frank’s cock was almost the same as Ray’s – somewhat less of a curve upwards, and a little shorter, a little chunkier, just like how Frank’s body was shorter and more compact than Ray’s. Maybe all men had a cock to match their body shape. Right now Ray didn’t really care – all he cared about was what he had in his hands.

And his mouth. That was what Frank had asked him to do, take this part of Frank into his mouth. Ray could do that.

It had a musky kind of taste. Ray swept the broad of his tongue across the bluntness peeking out from within Frank’s foreskin. Like his, in that regard. Frank had let out another surprised hiss, then the sound died into silence. Experimenting, Ray hardened the tip of his tongue and wriggled it across that tiny bit of exposed head. He was reminded of ice cream cones and other silly treats…

‘Ray, please…’ The tone insisting, though a hint of pleading, too. Frank was liking this.

Going with the moment-to-moment inspiration, Ray slipped his tongue inside the foreskin, ran it around the cock-head within.

Frank groaned.

Ray fumbled a hand further inside his friend’s jeans, to take Frank’s balls into one palm, to weigh and fondle the roundness of them, kept his other hand firm at the base of Frank’s cock, holding it still while his tongue explored to his heart’s content.

‘Please…’ And then, at last, the expected order, ‘Do it, Ray! Finish it!’

And he pulled the loose fold of skin back, took the moist cock-head into his mouth – and sucked. For he assumed the insult was at least accurate in describing the act. Would that be enough?

Apparently so. Frank’s hands found Ray’s bent head for a moment’s demand, a moment’s benediction – and then a half-strangled cry to warn him of musky meaty tangy liquid spurting into his mouth.

Embarrassingly enough, Ray almost gagged, but he managed to hang on, forced himself to swallow and get used to the reality of this thing he’d only day-dreamed about. And then when Frank was done, Ray wound his arms around his friend’s waist again, and pressed his face to Frank’s stomach, feeling the softening damp cock against his throat.

‘I love you, Frank,’ he whispered. ‘If you’ll let me… I’ll give you all the love I have in me, I’ll give you everything.’

‘Is that so, Raymond?’

‘I’d do anything for you, if you could love me, too.’ And Ray knew, though he wasn’t really _thinking_ right now – despite that, Ray knew all too clearly that if he loved Frank, then it would have to be an all-or-nothing deal. Ray would have to give himself over to Frank entirely, utterly, unconditionally. But surely that was what love was all about, the best kind of love.

‘What brought this on?’ the boy asked.

‘I don’t know, Frankie, I guess I’ve been figuring out that I’m queer, and you just smiled at me a certain way today, and we’ve been friends since forever – and I _knew_ I could love you, Frank, I knew I could give you everything.’

‘Ray, you’re going to have to let me think this one over, OK?’

‘Sure,’ he said immediately, though Ray couldn’t deny he felt disappointed. ‘Sure, I mean, I sprang this on you with no warning, didn’t I?’

‘You did indeed.’

‘How long will you need?’

‘Let me think about it tonight. I’ll give you my answer tomorrow.’ Frank smiled, looking kind of shy, and he shaped a friendly hand around the nape of Ray’s neck. Ray gazed up at him, falling all over again for this handsome boy. ‘What was the question again, just so we’re both clear?’

‘If you can love me,’ Ray whispered, ‘would you be my boyfriend?’

Frank nodded, considering this. ‘We’ll talk tomorrow, OK, Ray?’

‘OK.’ And Ray stood up, hoping against hope that as he rose he could just move into Frank’s arms and kiss him – but Frank would have none of it. Frank didn’t flinch away or anything ghastly like that, but the boy just wasn’t going to let it happen. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Frankie.’ And with a last caress of Frank’s narrow shoulder, Ray headed back out the window.

♦

Their school had become co-ed as of this year, so there were girls as well as boys running around the tiny asphalt playground, spilling out onto the sidewalk and the street, jealously guarding the territory claimed around the few benches.

And there was Frank Zuko, holding court on the most desirable bench of all – the only bench under a tree, the one midway between the gates and the canteen, sitting a good ten feet separate from the others so you could pretend you had a little privacy. Ray hung around just inside the gates, considering his friend, and waiting until he could talk to Frank alone. No way did Ray want to ask for Frank’s answer with the cluster of other kids there.

Frank was always so self-assured, and Ray envied him that. Even when Frank was angry he was self-assured – and that made his fury something awesome, and Ray envied him that, too. Because Ray was too damned readable and emotional for his own good. He felt better about himself since he’d lost all that weight, but still… Ray felt maybe he could do with learning some of Frank’s attitude.

And Frank was the handsomest guy in school, no doubt about it. Dark warm brown eyes, neat features, soft hair… Ray remembered running his fingers through that hair the previous night, only ten hours ago – and he shivered. Yeah, handsome. Not like Ray, who already had a high hairline, and a nose that was not to be believed, and a mouth that would one day be as loose and wet and repulsive as his father’s. Ray, who was tall and gawky, while Frank was neat and compact.

At last Frank looked up and saw him. A moment went by as Frank considered Ray, his face serious. Frank at times seemed older than any of the boys in their year – when he looked like this, Ray found it all too easy to remember who and what Carl Zuko was, who and what Frank would no doubt become. Serious. But then, as Ray continued to meet that considering gaze, Frank suddenly broke into a wolfish grin. It was obvious he was remembering what they had done.

Obvious. Maybe the hundred other boys and girls around them would read that expression as clear as day. _Hey, we had sex last night_ …

Ray couldn’t help but smile, though he felt abruptly shy. When Frank finally waved away the idiots Ray called Frank’s trainee goons, Ray ambled over to him.

‘Hey, Ray buddy.’ Amiable, amused.

Obvious. God help him, Ray just _knew_ he was blushing. And he was hard. _Jeez_ … ‘Hey, Frankie.’ Ray’s smile grew, and then twisted into self-conscious humor. ‘Frank love,’ he murmured.

‘Throwing yourself into this, aren’t you?’

‘Throwing myself at you.’

‘I noticed.’

Ray glanced around him. ‘God, maybe everyone will notice. I feel like I’m broadcasting on all channels.’

‘You are,’ Frank said flatly.

‘So…’ Ray was all too aware of the other kids slowly starting to head inside. The bell would ring any moment now, and they would have to go to class. ‘So, what’s your answer, Frankie?’

‘Yes or no?’

‘Yes or no.’ Ray tilted his head a little closer. ‘I love you.’

‘So you said. Hey, we can’t talk here, OK? Meet me tonight.’

‘You can’t tell me yes or no right now?’

‘No.’

Ray stared at his friend. ‘No, what? You’re telling me no?’

Frank grinned at him. ‘No, I’m telling you I can’t tell you now. Meet me tonight, about eight, down the basketball courts, OK? I’ll give you my answer then.’

‘Frankie love…’ He’d had trouble waiting through the night, fearing Frankie wouldn’t want him. Except, after what they’d shared, surely his friend wouldn’t let him down. Ray couldn’t ever rely on being wanted, however. ‘Give me a hint, man. Don’t leave me hanging any longer.’

The grin widened. ‘You’ve really got it bad, huh, Raymond?’

‘Yes.’

‘Yes,’ said Frank. ‘Yes, you do.’

The scum was teasing him. But Frank’s happy smile wasn’t fading any, and he wasn’t avoiding Ray’s pleading gaze. The bell went, startling Ray.

‘Tonight,’ his friend promised. ‘Tonight at eight.’ Another flash of that grin, and Frank was gone.

Ray was left standing there, a shy twisted smile on his face, daring to hope that he was loved. But eventually he remembered where he should be, and broke into a run. He was only two minutes late for class.

♦

The rest of the day crept by slow as Ray waited for eight o’clock – and flew by when he thought of Frankie. A half-hour could seem like half a minute when Ray got to day-dreaming. Remembering the smooth feel of Frank’s cock-head in his mouth, the weight of his friend’s balls in his hand. The happy grin that morning when Frank saw him again. The warmth that… what was the word? – suffused Ray when he thought of how friendship could become so much more.

With that on his mind, Ray almost forgot it was Tuesday, and he was due as usual to meet two of his other friends for the sake of studying.

Once he’d recalled the regular appointment, Ray headed over to Arliss’s place, and wandered in to find Arliss and Elaine already settled at the dining table, books spread over the entire surface.

‘Where have you been?’ Elaine asked absently. She lifted her head, pushing her long dark hair out of the way to see him – and her distraction dropped away. ‘Raymond Vecchio, _what_ is making you smile like that? Or should I ask _who_?’

‘Never you mind.’ Ray dumped his bag, and slid down into a chair.

Arliss was gaping at Ray from the other end of the table. The guy never looked nerdier than when he was flummoxed by things like hormones – he didn’t seem to have any himself, and couldn’t understand then in others.

Elaine, however, was way more clued in. ‘Come on,’ she said, ‘give. What _have_ you been up to?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Huh.’

‘All right, all right. Something. Never mind with whom.’ Ray returned her stare. ‘Hey, if things go the way I think they might tonight, then I’ll tell you who, because it’ll be happy-ever-after. That’s my best offer.’

Elaine shook her head. ‘You think I care?’ she asked, voice lilting. ‘We’ve got a chemistry exam to study for.’

‘Of course you care,’ Ray told her. ‘But, yes, we do.’

Arliss cleared his throat and began shuffling through his folders. Chemistry and physics and mathematics and stuff like that was his specialty. Elaine was good at just about everything, and could research and reference and cite and speed-read like no one else, while also having a knack with languages. Ray, to everyone’s surprise and no one’s appreciation, was good at English and American literature.

‘So,’ said Ray, ‘Arliss, did you do that study sheet yet?’

‘Yes. I summarized the semester in two pages. Otherwise it’s just a matter of remembering as much of the periodic table as possible. And not just H2O.’ Arliss handed the others a sheet of paper each. ‘Ray, talk us through it.’

‘Pick on me, why don’t you?’ Ray grumbled, knowing he was the weakest at this stuff, and also knowing that’s why he should be the one to work through the study sheet.

Elaine was looking at him askance. ‘Yeah, well, if we get you up to speed on this, then you can help Frank Zuko with it.’

‘What?’

‘We know you give this stuff to him.’

Ray looked from one to the other of these two friends. They both appeared a tad resentful.

‘It’s our work, Ray,’ Elaine continued.

‘And mine,’ he said, feeling lame.

‘It’s done for the three of us. But Frank Zuko benefits from it, too. No doubt his stupid pals, as well. They’re passing their classes, and just because of us.’

Ray sighed. ‘All right, yeah. I give this stuff to Frank.’

‘Why?’ Elaine asked. Arliss was just sitting there, not saying a word, but it was plain they’d talked about this already, and agreed on a general policy of disapproval. ‘He’s trouble, Ray. You know all the things they say about his father? Well, Frank’s going to be just the same. He already is.’

‘You reckon,’ Ray retorted flatly, though he knew it was true enough. ‘I’ll tell you something. Frank’s as smart as any of us. He’d do fine without any help.’

‘Maybe Frank. Not his pals. But it’s easier with the help, right?’

‘Sure – like it’s easier for us with the help.’

‘ _We_ put the work in,’ Elaine declared. ‘ _He_ doesn’t. Frank Zuko takes the easiest way he can every time.’

A silence stretched. Ray finally asked, ‘Are you telling me you don’t want me to give him our stuff anymore?’

Arliss and Elaine exchanged a look. ‘Do what you want,’ Elaine said. ‘Just think twice about it, OK?’

Ray let out an unhappy laugh. ‘You reckon if I think twice about it, I’ll stop, huh?’

Another silence – an obstinate one.

‘I won’t stop. Unless you tell me.’

‘Why?’

‘He’s my friend.’

Elaine shook her head, and asked again, ‘Why?’

Ray swallowed hard, embarrassed to find himself upset. It was hardly a surprise that some of his friends didn’t like others of his friends – but Frank was even more than a friend to Ray now, and it was clear that Elaine and Arliss wouldn’t be overjoyed at the news. ‘He’s always been my friend,’ Ray asserted. His voice caught, but he forged on. ‘I don’t turn my back on my friends.’

Another shared look. The three of them made an odd collection. Arliss the nerd, all freckles and carrot hair and no idea about girls – or boys, for that matter. Elaine, one of the few black kids in their neighborhood, and about the only girl in school who had boys for friends. And Ray, so gawky, Ray who never quite fit in anywhere, Ray who was a bundle of thoughts and feelings that no one wanted from him – mostly. With Frank hopefully being the exception. Ray, who had a few good friends, whom he had never and would never let go.

‘No,’ Elaine responded at last, ‘I guess you don’t.’ She reached a hand out across the table, and Ray leaned closer to grasp it for a moment.

They were friends, that was all – though Ray had thought about her. He had a whole bunch of love in him that he wanted to give to a friend, and Elaine had definitely been on the short-list. Thing was, once Ray had begun realizing he was queer, the idea and the wanting just wouldn’t go away. No sense in committing to a girl when he was deadly curious about boys. At least, not until he worked through that curiosity. And Ray really wanted to commit to Frank, he loved Frankie, so maybe Ray would spend his whole life working through it.

Another flash of memory, of pressing his face into Frank’s firm stomach, with Frank’s softened cock warm against his throat. Ray had done that – Ray had made him hard, made him come, made him soft and damp. Frankie. Frank Zuko. And tonight they’d meet, and maybe in the dark of the abandoned basketball court, Frank would let Ray kiss him…

‘Study sheet, Ray,’ Elaine reminded him. ‘Quit it with the day-dreams for five minutes, will you?’

‘Sorry,’ he offered sheepishly, and Ray picked up the paper.

♦

Twilight darkening around him. Frank was, of course, late. Restless and nervous and needy as hell, Ray stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets and wandered around the court.

Elaine had been right, of course – Frank was going to turn out like his father. Even at seventeen, Frankie was all plans and scams, busy every minute of the day. Ray knew what he was doing, making himself an intrinsic part of that – Ray was maybe giving up on his dreams of becoming a cop. Well, Ray had always figured the songs were right when they said love was the most important thing of all. He knew what he was doing, and what price he might pay. He figured the benefits would be worth it.

Just the thought that Frank might let Ray kiss him tonight, once Frank had decided to tell him yes, that thought was enough. And then – perhaps when it was dark enough they’d find some private corner of the neighborhood, or sneak back to Frank’s bedroom, and recreate the marvels they’d discovered last night. Frank must have liked that. The unguarded tone as he ordered, _Do it, Ray!_ That surely meant Ray hadn’t been wrong to try this.

Frank was late. Ray had gotten home around six for a family dinner with his Ma and Pop, Maria and Franny and Sergio. No one had really noticed Ray, or his smile of anticipation. No one asked him where he’d been the previous evening, no one questioned him going out again tonight. Except Ma gave him a warm enveloping hug and a kiss, smelling of the lasagna she’d made them. And he’d run out into the cooling twilight, guiltily glad to be away from his Pop.

Frank was late. It was maybe quarter after eight. Three figures approached, none of them compact enough or contained enough to be Frank. As they drew closer Ray saw one was Jimmy, the guy they all called Roastbeef because he was built like a side of meat. The other two were from a different school, guys who hung out with Frank at night, more of Frank’s trainee goons. They must have just come from baseball practice.

‘What’s up, guys?’ Ray asked as the three drew closer. Maybe Frank was busy, maybe Ray would need to meet him somewhere else, maybe Ray could go to Frank’s bedroom right now and make love to him… ‘Did Frank send you?’

‘Yeah,’ Jimmy said, kind of slow. He had a decent heart beating in there, but he was thick as two bricks.

A pause lengthened. ‘And he had a message for me?’ Ray prompted.

There was something a bit wrong here. Jimmy was nervous, glancing from Ray to his two companions and back again – while the other two stared intently at Ray, but at his chest rather than his face. Ray began wondering if Frank had actually told these kids something about the queer stuff, if his message was blatantly obvious in intent. The thought made him both proud and embarrassed as all hell. Ray wouldn’t mind everyone knowing he loved Frank, in fact he’d be really happy about being so open – except Ray might catch it bad from his Pop. Unless Salvatore Vecchio would be perversely proud of his son beginning a liaison with Carl Zuko’s only son…

‘Tell him, Jimmy,’ one of the others said.

‘Yeah, let’s get this done.’

Jimmy shrugged and groaned, and then looked at Ray very directly. ‘Frank just said this is his answer.’ Another pause while Jimmy Roastbeef took a deep breath. ‘Sorry, Ray.’

And Ray watched uncomprehending as Jimmy and one of the others stepped to either side of him, grabbed him by the arms – and the third kid hefted up his baseball bat and swung it hard into Ray’s stomach.

Pain, yes, but mostly utter surprise.

Another swing, literally as if the kid was trying to hit a home run – this one cracked into Ray’s lower ribs, and Ray fell to his knees. It seemed that the two who were meant to be holding him in place didn’t really have the nerve to do so.

Winded, Ray grunted for breath. The pain burned white within him – but the shock of it, the shock of it. _I take it that’s a no_ , he said silently to Frank.

The bat caught Ray across the chest, over his heart, and Ray slumped backwards, powerless to prevent it.

 _You couldn’t tell me yourself?_ Ray asked, pleading with the handsome face clear in his mind’s eye.

‘Get up!’ yelled the kid with the bat. In frustration, he sank a booted foot into Ray’s side. ‘Get up!’

Twisting over, Ray tried to curl up and turn away. For his troubles, the bat landed in the small of his back. Ray almost hissed, wanted to cry out, but no sound escaped him except for those grunting little breaths. Yes, he knew not to make any noise.

 _You couldn’t hurt me yourself?_ Memories flooded through him of Frank pounding Marco’s face with a basketball. On this very court. _Marco dared to want you, too?_

‘Get up, you little creep!’ Another heavy kick, exploding into his kidneys.

‘That’s enough,’ said Jimmy.

‘I ain’t even started yet.’

‘Hey, you could kill him with that,’ Jimmy pleaded. ‘He’s got the message, OK?’

Ray discovered he was crawling away. Time for him to get away, yes, no one could expect otherwise, even if that meant hauling himself off along the asphalt. No idea which direction to go, he just went. Though he couldn’t get away from those quiet little animal grunts of pain. _Oh, Frank_ , he moaned silently, dying of a broken heart.

‘How much is Frank paying us?’

‘Thirty bucks each.’

‘And the guy won’t tell? He won’t turn us in?’

‘Frank said there’s a good reason he won’t want anyone to know.’

‘Easiest damned thirty I’ve ever earned,’ the kid with the bat said. ‘Let’s do him.’

Footsteps coming after him. Pathetic – Ray had crawled, like, ten feet at the most. The bat landed hard into his side, a brutal boot under his chest rolled him over onto his back.

Jimmy crying out, ‘No, don’t!’ Ray lifted his left arm just in time, and even then the blow glanced off his forearm to land against his temple. The world went blinding white.

Another voice now yelling, ‘Stop that!’ A kid’s voice, but full of quiet authority. ‘That’s enough.’

The basketball court was strangely silent and still.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ the stranger demanded.

Ray couldn’t see, but he could hear the others shifting away, backing off. And then Jimmy said, ‘Let’s get out of here,’ and there were running footsteps.

Another moment of silence. Ray began wondering dazedly if he was alone now, if he could possibly crawl all the way home. He began trying, and got as far as maybe three feet.

Hands on him – a flinch jarred through his entire body. The stranger had moved so quietly that his sudden touch startled the hell out of an already shocked Ray. ‘No,’ Ray whispered, though he knew better than to protest.

‘It’s all right, I won’t hurt you. Well, I’ll try not to,’ the kid added, ‘but I need to check for broken bones.’

‘No,’ Ray mindlessly repeated.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said as Ray tried to pull away from those exploring hands. ‘How does your left arm feel?’

There was no immediate sensation, so Ray thought about it for a while, mentally searching his body. At last he replied, ‘Numb.’

‘It’s not broken,’ the kid concluded, like he knew what he was talking about, ‘but I suspect it might be fractured. You did well to block that blow to your head. I’m sorry I didn’t arrive a little sooner. How does your head feel?’

Ray thought about this some more, though he really didn’t want to have to think, he had a pounding headache, and he couldn’t even see. God, maybe he’d been blinded.

‘The blow cut the skin, and I wonder if you might be slightly concussed. You look awful.’

Tears welled in Ray’s eyes, he couldn’t stop them – though a rational voice somewhere inside of him wondered how on earth vanity could matter right now. This was the most ghastly humiliation. No doubt Frank felt Ray looked awful, too, what had Ray been thinking of, offering himself to someone that handsome? However, Ray knew better than to cry, so he kept the tears from spilling.

‘I need to get you to a hospital.’

Silence. Ray just lay there, helpless. Wanting to crawl into a corner somewhere and feel comprehensively sorry for himself. Just for a few minutes, even though he knew better than that. At least those horrid grunting breaths had stopped now.

‘What’s your name?’ the kid asked.

He thought about that for a while, and then wondered if he could talk over the lump in his throat, and when he decided he could he said, ‘Way.’ Tried again, and managed, ‘ _Ray_.’

‘Hello, Ray. My name’s Benton. Can you stand? I don’t want to leave you here on your own.’

‘No,’ he whispered.

‘Well, can you open your eyes?’

Ah, so that was what was wrong. Ray tried doing that, found a confusion of darknesses, and this shadowy kid leaning over him – too close, Ray felt like he couldn’t breathe. He closed his eyes again and gulped in some air. Discovered the arm that wasn’t numb was flailing around – for the kid caught that hand in his, and held it.

‘Ray, it’s going to be all right. But I need to get you to a hospital. Can you stand up, and we’ll go find a phone?’

‘No.’

‘No, you can’t stand? I guess I’ll have to leave you here…’

‘No.’ Ray found the strength to clutch that hand. ‘Don’t leave me. But no ambulance. Insurance won’t cover it.’ Ray winced as he thought of his father’s reaction to meeting such an expense himself. Winced again, as even that tiny movement brought the threat of pain.

‘Well, let’s get you standing, then. We can flag down a taxi.’

 _In this neighborhood, under these circumstances?_ But Ray was in no state to argue.

‘Ready?’ the kid asked.

And they did it between them, they got Ray to his feet. Which was when the pain hit him. It had only been hovering over him until now, he’d only been feeling the edges of it, the potential of it. His entire torso felt like one massive pulsing bruise, and his head pounded, and his arm was still numb but maybe it wouldn’t be later. And Frank had this done to him. Ray had offered his friend love, offered him everything there was in Ray’s world, and Frank had said no in the most emphatic way possible.

Ray felt sorrow. In the middle of the pain, which he knew well enough was nothing he wouldn’t survive, Ray felt an aching yearning sorrow. ‘Frank,’ he whispered, standing there swaying in another boy’s arms. And then Ray sobbed it out – _‘Frank!’_

The kid had his arms around Ray’s waist, and now gently gathered him closer. Ray leaned in against the sturdy body. ‘Who is Frank?’ the kid whispered.

‘No…’ Ray moaned, bereft of all he and Frank could have shared.

‘Oh, Ray, please don’t cry.’

Such soft words, and yet they reminded Ray of one of the harshest lessons he’d ever been taught. ‘I’m sorry, sorry. I’m sorry.’

‘No, don’t be sorry. I’ll get you to a hospital. Can you walk with me?’

‘Yes.’ And they shuffled along together, Ray still too grief-stricken to pay much attention to anything other than his own hurt.

‘There’s a taxi now,’ Ray’s companion said. ‘Can you wait here a moment, Ray?’

He was left there, standing alone, silently protesting that the damned taxi wouldn’t stop for a couple of kids, especially with one of them being in such bad shape.

‘This young man’s been hurt, and I need to get him to a hospital,’ the kid said with that strange air of authority. ‘Can you help us?’

 _He’s not going to help_ …

‘The problem is that I only have limited funds, and in Canadian currency. Ray, do you have any American money? I’m afraid I don’t know how much this is going to cost.’

‘He’s not going to help,’ Ray said. ‘Just walk me home.’

‘Of course he’s going to help us. Sir, my father is a Mountie, posted to the Canadian Consulate. His name is Constable Robert Fraser. He’ll be happy to make up any shortfall in fares and of course gratuities. However, in the meantime –’

‘Sure, kid,’ came an adult voice.

Ray gaped. The taxi driver wasn’t actually falling for this, was he? ‘I’m going to bleed all over his seats, and…’

‘No, you won’t, Ray. There’s only a little blood from the wound to your temple, and that’s safely clotted.’ The kid’s voice close to him now, switching from business-like to gentle, and those arms reaching around Ray’s waist. ‘Come on, Ray. Let’s get you away from here.’

Who the hell was this kid? Ray blinked his eyes open, discovered that they were under a street-lamp, the pool of light making the night around them even darker. Ray’s rescuer was there right beside him, helping him along in a loose embrace, head turned away to thank the taxi driver.

And then the kid turned around, and when he saw that Ray was looking at him, the kid smiled.

 _Wow_ … This was the most beautiful boy Ray had ever seen. Dark hair, thick and unruly – a square-jawed face – perfectly even features – and eyes that must be blue-to-die-for, because even in the colorless night they gleamed like sapphire. And a charming little smile kicking up one corner of his mouth.

‘Who _are_ you?’ Ray asked.

‘Benton Fraser.’

‘What –?’

‘Let me help you get into the taxi,’ the kid suggested. And he slid in himself, then welcomed Ray in with open arms.

Easy and horrible at the same time – folding himself in two to fit into the back seat was painful, and Ray’s left arm was hanging useless at his side – but falling again into this boy’s embrace made it all strangely inviting.

‘No doubt you know better than I do where the nearest hospital is,’ the kid was saying.

‘Sure. I’ll get you there in ten minutes, tops.’

How on earth did this guy, who looked about Ray’s own age, talk to adults like that and get them to do things?

‘Are you all right, Ray?’

‘No,’ he replied with the faintest edge of irony, letting his head rest on the kid’s shoulder. ‘But I’ll live.’ This was nice, mostly. If the pain wasn’t pounding through him, Ray would think this very nice. But if the pain wasn’t there, then his love for Frank would be alive and well, and how could he wallow so easily in another boy’s arms? The most beautiful boy he’d ever seen… ‘Benton? That’s your name?’

‘Yes, Ray.’

‘It’s not a first name, you know.’

‘Yes, it is.’

‘No, it isn’t,’ Ray argued, amiable and slurred and stupid with the hurting.

‘Yes, it is, Ray.’

‘Ben is a first name.’

A brief silence. ‘I had a friend once who called me Ben.’

 _Ah, did you…?_ ‘Benny,’ Ray said.

‘No one calls me that.’

‘Benny,’ Ray repeated, claiming the name for his own. ‘Benny, why the hell are you helping me?’

‘Well, anyone finding you there would have done the same.’

‘No, they wouldn’t.’

‘Yes, they would.’

‘Exactly how long have you lived in Chicago?’ Ray asked.

‘Six days.’

‘And where are you from? Canada?’

‘Yes. The Territories.’

‘That explains it.’

‘Explains what, Ray?’

‘No…’ he whispered, not really wanting to talk anymore.

‘Tell me, Ray.’

What he really wanted to do was sink further into this boy’s embrace, and close his eyes, and let the pain drift away into the darkness.

‘Talk to me, Ray. Don’t go to sleep.’

The driver said, ‘We’re almost there, kid.’

‘Thank you. Ray? Please stay awake, I think it’s probably important that you do so. It won’t be long now. Tell me what me being Canadian explains.’

‘No one in Chicago,’ Ray slowly said, ‘would have helped me like you did.’

‘Nonsense, Ray. This gentleman is helping us, and he’s from Chicago. And you would have helped me if our situations were reversed, wouldn’t you?’

‘I don’t know,’ he admitted.

‘Ah,’ the kid said, very seriously. Perhaps a little disappointed. ‘Well, when I’m old enough I plan to become a Mountie, like my father. And a police officer always puts others first.’

Something in Ray’s chest twisted, and it wasn’t his physical injuries. ‘I wanted to be a cop. I was going to give that up, though.’

‘Why?’

‘Frank,’ Ray whispered before he could stop himself. But Frank had turned Ray’s offer down, in no uncertain terms, and Benny had rescued him – but Ray had already disappointed this kid. And Benny had told Ray he looked awful.

‘OK, we’re here,’ the taxi driver announced. ‘The emergency room is just through those double doors.’

‘Thank you kindly. I’ll have my father contact your company about the fare tomorrow morning.’

‘No need. Doesn’t hurt to be a Good Samaritan every now and then, right? I hope your friend is all right.’

‘Thank you again, Mr. Mulroney.’

And Ray was carefully being pulled out of the taxi and along a short path. ‘How did you know his name?’

‘His license was displayed on the dashboard,’ Benton explained simply, as if everyone read and memorized the details of such things.

‘Huh,’ Ray responded, which was as much of a laugh as he could manage. But that was enough to make the pain flare. With a groan, Ray sagged in Benton’s arms.

‘What is it? Where’s the pain?’

‘My side, just here. God, all down here…’

‘He hit your ribs? Maybe he cracked one of them.’

And they were inside, and Benton was helping a nurse lay Ray down on a trolley.

‘This young man has been beaten by another fellow with a baseball bat,’ Benton was informing the nurse. ‘As you can see, he received a blow to the head. His left arm may be fractured, and his ribs may be cracked.’

‘His name?’

‘Ray.’ Benton caught his attention by a light touch to his right hand – Ray caught Benny’s hand in his. ‘Ray, what’s your last name?’

‘Raymond Vecchio,’ he said, and they went through a few more details.

Finally she said, ‘All right, Ray, a doctor will examine you soon, and we’ll take some x-rays. Meanwhile, I’ll call your family and let them know where you are. Will your friend sit with you until one of your parents arrives?’

‘Benny?’ Ray asked, clutching at that hand.

‘Of course, Ray. I’ll stay with you for as long as you need me.’

And Ray looked up at that beautiful earnest face, and figured that maybe things weren’t _all_ bad.

♦

Ray was lying sprawled back on a hospital bed, in a small cubicle that was just the same as twenty other small cubicles all containing the ill and the injured. He had his eyes closed, because the light only exacerbated his headache, and also because that way he could pretend he had plenty of air and plenty of room. Noise and bustle were only a curtain and a thin partition away. He tried not to wince at the clatter of a busy emergency room, because any movement (even wincing) let in the pain – the pain that was too big to be part of him, it hovered over him, looking for a way inside, and it took all the air out of the room. The only things that kept Ray sane were the need to be quiet and the need not to complain and the hand that held his unstintingly.

‘Benny?’

‘Yes, Ray?’ the kid whispered, having figured out long hours ago that Ray wanted quiet and space and air. And that Ray wanted his hand held.

‘I think I’m claustrophobic.’

‘Well, I’m not surprised if you feel that way right now. I’m sure it’s only a temporary reaction, however.’

‘God, I hope so.’

‘Is the pain any better?’

‘The pain is doing just fine. Me, I’m not so great.’ Ray had discovered that Benton knew so much about Ray’s injuries because the kid had a current first aid certificate – so he now asked, ‘You reckon they might give me something for the pain, if I asked? Some drugs or something.’

‘No, Ray. Not if there’s a chance you have a concussion. I’m afraid you’ll just have to wait it out.’

Ray sighed. ‘That’s all right, I can do that.’ He thought of his father, and Ray thought of his own determination to avoid getting hooked on drinking or drugs or anything like that. And for the first time, Ray wondered what kind of pain his father, Salvatore Vecchio, drank to avoid.

‘You’re Raymond Vecchio?’ An adult voice.

‘Yes.’ Ray squinted his eyes open, and saw a tall man standing there holding back the curtains.

‘I’m Detective Harding Welsh, twenty-seventh precinct,’ he said, flashing his badge and ID card at the boys. The man was dressed in a rumpled suit and tie, so he was obviously either a plain-clothes detective or he was off-duty. ‘I’m told someone hurt you pretty bad tonight.’

‘Yes, sir,’ said Ray.

‘You want to tell me about it?’

‘What do you want to know?’ Ray prevaricated.

‘I’d like to know what happened, Raymond. Or is it Ray? Maybe I can stop it happening again, if you tell me about it.’

‘I was at the basketball courts on Harlem, a few blocks from the school.’

‘What were you doing there?’

‘I was walking over to a friend’s house –’ which would do because Ray had told his Ma that he was visiting Frank – ‘and I thought I’d drop by, see if there was a game being played.’

‘This is the friend you were going to meet?’

‘No, sir,’ answered Benny. ‘My name’s Benton Fraser. I’m the one who found him.’

‘Are your parents on their way here, Ray?’

‘I guess so. The nurse said she’d called them. Ma will be busy with the other kids, though.’

‘OK,’ said the Detective, making notes as he went. ‘So you were at the courts. Who else was there?’

‘No one.’

‘So who beat you up?’

‘I don’t know, sir.’

‘Well, Ray, _why_ did they beat you up? Just for the fun of it?’

‘Maybe. I don’t know. They didn’t try to take anything.’

‘You had money on you?’

‘About five bucks. Nothing much.’

‘Did you recognize any of them?’

‘No, sir.’ Ray maintained a bland expression, though he could feel Benton’s puzzled gaze on him. So Benton had overheard or guessed enough to know that Ray knew more than he was letting on… Ray hoped he wouldn’t give the game away.

‘How exactly did they hurt you?’

‘One of them had a baseball bat.’

‘And he just decided for no apparent reason to lay into you with it?’

‘Yes, sir.’

The Detective sighed, and turned to Benton. ‘What about you? Did you recognize any of them?’

‘No, sir, but I’m new to the neighborhood.’

‘What did you see happening?’

Benton glanced at Ray. ‘There were three of them. One young man was hitting Ray. When I called out, they stopped and then ran away.’

‘Would you recognize any of them again?’

Another pause while Benton decided whether to be completely honest. At last he said, ‘Probably not. It was already quite dark, and they didn’t stay long once they realized they had company.’

Detective Welsh looked from one boy to the other. ‘You don’t want to let them get away with this,’ he said flatly. ‘They don’t deserve you protecting them. So you have a long hard think about what you’re doing. And if I hear about this escalating into more incidents, I’ll know who to come talk to, do you hear me?’

‘Yes, sir,’ the boys chorused.

A silence passed once the Detective had left. Benton still held Ray’s hand firmly in his. At last the kid asked, ‘Why didn’t you tell him who those young men were?’

‘Because,’ Ray said slowly. ‘Because then I’d have to tell him why they did it.’ After a minute, he added, ‘Thanks for backing me up.’

Benton looked at him, that beautiful face solemn. Very softly, he asked, ‘Ray, who is Frank?’

Ray winced, letting a little more of the pain in. _He was the one I wanted to love_ , Ray thought. And that love wasn’t going to just vanish, even if Frank had answered no.

‘Are you protecting him?’

‘Not really,’ Ray said in a rather small voice. ‘I just… I’d just prefer it if people didn’t know exactly why.’

‘All right,’ Benton agreed easily, as if he trusted that Ray had his own good reasons.

‘Hey, Detective Welsh was quite something, don’t you reckon?’ Ray knotted his brow, trying to force the memory past the pain. Harding Welsh had seemed everything that a cop should be – mature, tall, strong, good-hearted, and damned shrewd enough to know that Ray was lying. ‘That’s the kind of cop I always wanted to be.’

‘I’m sure you’ll make a fine police officer, Ray.’

‘ _That_ again!’ This time the interruption was from Sal Vecchio.

‘Hello, Pop,’ said Ray.

‘No son of mine is ever going to be a cop,’ the man declared. It was apparent, especially to one who knew the signs all too well, that Sal had been drinking.

‘Yes, Pop. I’m sorry.’

‘Who the hell’s this?’ An indignant glare at the boys’ linked hands. ‘Get away from him!’

Ray sighed, grasped Benton’s hand tightly once and then let it go. ‘Pop, this is Benny. He saved me tonight. I was getting beaten up, and Benny came along just in time, and –’

‘Get away from here,’ Sal repeated heatedly. Perhaps the man had gotten the nurse’s phone call at home, and come here via Fanelli’s in order to fortify himself. ‘Leave me alone with my fool son.’

‘I’m sorry, Benny,’ Ray whispered, feeling absolutely mortified, and also deadly afraid he’d never see the kid again.

‘It’s all right,’ Benton said, though he looked the tiniest bit spooked. And he slipped out of the cubicle.

Sal stood there staring down at his eldest. He appeared to be disgusted. ‘What’s this about?’

‘I got beaten up by a kid with a baseball bat, Pop.’

‘That’s it? When are you going to grow up and be a man?’

‘Hey, he had two friends to hold me still. What was I supposed to do?’

‘You’re a child.’

Ray pressed his lips together, and his furious resentment pushed the pain away for a few moments. ‘No, I took it like a man, Pop. I took my punishment like a man, just like you taught me.’

‘You’re no man. Never were and never will be. You’re nothing but a screw-up.’ That fleshy mouth damp with beer and loathing.

‘I’m what you taught me to be. I just lay there and took it, and I didn’t make a sound, and I didn’t cry about it. Doesn’t that make me a man, Pop? That’s what you always told me – you should be proud of me.’

‘Don’t you talk back to me, child.’

‘I’m seventeen, Pop! You’re going to have to let me be a man sometime soon. The kind of man _I_ want to be.’

‘Forget it.’

‘I don’t like who you tried to make me, Pop.’

Ray had never said such a thing to his father before. The two of them stared at each other for a long moment, both aghast at Ray’s sudden burst of audacity. And then Sal took two steps forward and swung his open hand hard across Ray’s face. _Whack!_

Eyes filling with tears, Ray stiffened himself to lift his head from the pillow, to look directly at his father again.

Sal lifted his hand, eyes blazing.

‘Mr. Vecchio.’

Benny’s soft voice interrupted them. There was no threat in the boy’s tone, or even reproach, but Salvatore must have recalled where he was and what he was doing, and he thought twice about it.

The man looked about him, glancing past Ray and past Benton as if they barely existed. And then he lumbered off, hands stuffed in his pockets. Benton and Ray were alone again.

This was the most humiliating night of Ray’s life. Slowly he turned himself over onto his side – the side without the cracked ribs – and he curled his legs up. Benton wouldn’t stay any longer now. The kid was hovering back there, halfway out the door already, no doubt trying to think of a decent way of saying goodbye. It wasn’t fair. But, then, screw-ups didn’t deserve for life to be fair.

‘Ray…?’ Benton whispered.

‘I’m sorry, Benny. I’m sorry you had to see that.’ Ray stared grimly off at the side partition, and found somewhere less uncomfortable to rest his left arm, which was even more ungainly than usual in its fresh plaster cast.

The amazing thing was, Benton still hadn’t left yet. In fact, he walked closer, on unnaturally quiet feet. ‘You have nothing to apologize for,’ the boy said with that odd authority of his. Benton’s hands found Ray’s right hand, and they clutched each other up, fingers weaving together. ‘Your father,’ Benton tentatively began. ‘Does he know the reason why you were hurt? Is that why he was so angry?’

Ray made an ugly kind of sound, half-laughter and half-sob. ‘No. If he knew about all of that, he’d still be in here finishing off the job. No, Benny – my father, he’s always like that.’

Benny’s hands grasping his, and those blue eyes full of sorrow, and that beautiful face compassionate gazing down at him. ‘Oh, Ray,’ the boy said simply.

‘Oh, Benny,’ Ray echoed ironically, trying to make light of it – but abruptly bursting into tears. God, he hadn’t really cried like this since he was fourteen. And then it had been because of Frankie and because of Sal, too. Sometimes everything went wrong at once, and all of it added up to overwhelm him.

Benton sat down again on the chair by the bed. He freed one hand, and tried to comfort Ray with graceful friendly caresses of his shoulder. But Ray couldn’t stop crying.

A nurse showed up, and she checked the charts and forms hanging at the end of his bed. ‘What’s the matter, Raymond?’ she asked briskly.

‘It’s OK,’ he tried to say, not wanting anyone else involved. Except maybe Benny.

‘I believe Ray is still in shock,’ Benton told her. ‘He’ll be all right.’

Good. No mention of his father. God knew Ray didn’t want an official fuss made over all that. ‘It’s OK,’ he said again, forcing himself to quiet a little. ‘Benny will stay with me.’

‘Yes, I’ll sit with him. He’ll be fine.’

‘All right,’ she said grudgingly. ‘But don’t go upsetting all the other patients, OK? Some of them are a lot younger than you.’

‘OK,’ said Ray.

And then he saw Benton’s face – the kid was glaring at the nurse as she turned and walked away. ‘You have a perfect right to be upset,’ Benton whispered angrily. Protectively. ‘Ray,’ he said, looking directly at Ray, more directly than anyone else ever had, ‘you cry your heart out if that’s what you most need to do. You’ve been through some terrible things.’

Ray stared at him, so surprised by this gracious permission that he was now doing nothing more than weeping. ‘Benny,’ he eventually said, ‘you don’t know the half of it.’

‘You can tell me, if you like. Or not. I have to admit to a certain curiosity, Ray. But if you need to tell someone, you can count on my discretion.’

Nodding, Ray let himself calm a little more. A blessing, to be able to blurt it out to this kid who was still here at Ray’s side despite all that had happened. And if this last truth drove him away – well, Benton was so damned beautiful that Ray would have to confess sooner or later. Might as well be now. Ray tugged at Benny’s hand, and the kid leaned closer. ‘I’m queer,’ Ray whispered. ‘I like boys as well as girls.’

‘Oh,’ said Benton, a little surprised. But then he nodded, as if to indicate he had already taken this in his stride.

‘I only just figured this out. Anyway, there’s this friend of mine, I went to him last night. I told him I loved him.’

‘Frank?’ Benton guessed.

‘Yeah. He said he’d meet me tonight and tell me yes or no. He sent those kids instead. So I guess it was no.’

Benton was still squarely meeting his gaze, and those blue sapphire eyes were glowing with surprise and fury and compassion. Righteous as an angel, this beautiful boy. ‘Oh, Ray,’ he said again, with heart-breaking sorrow.

‘My father doesn’t know any of that. Yet. I don’t particularly care if people know I’m queer. People are going to know about that, sooner or later. Pop will give me hell for it, but that’s nothing new. Loving Frank, though, and him saying no like that – I’d rather keep that to myself.’

‘Which is why, of course, you didn’t tell Detective Welsh who the young men were.’

Ray nodded. ‘They’re not the ones who deserve to get in trouble, anyway. They were just being pathetic and following orders.’ Nodding had been a mistake. Ray lifted a hand to his head, the throbbing having returned with a vengeance. Unfortunately it was his left hand, and clumsy he hit his own damned nose with the plaster cast. ‘Speaking of pathetic… Pop is right. I’m just a screw-up. And he doesn’t even know the stupidest thing – I don’t know what I thought I was doing, asking Frank to love me.’

‘You were following your dream. Not many of us can honestly say we’re brave enough to do that.’

‘Oh, Benny, I should have figured this out last night.’ Now that Ray thought about it, he felt disgusted with how gullible he’d been. ‘My friend, this guy I’ve known all my life, this guy I offered to love, honor and obey. He deigned to let me go down on him. That was it, that was all. He didn’t touch me, he wouldn’t let me kiss him. I went home and jerked off on my own, remembering how he’d tasted. And I thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. God, I’m a moron.’

Benton’s face was slightly flushed. ‘You’re not a moron, Ray – you’re a generous and trusting and loving young man.’

Ray stared at him for a moment, and then belatedly thought about what he’d said. ‘I’m sorry. I’m embarrassing you. I shouldn’t really be talking like this. You don’t want all the details.’

‘Well, you’re an honest and open young man, too, Ray, and these are fine qualities.’

‘I shouldn’t be blurting this stuff out to someone I only just met!’ And Ray almost managed to find a laugh within him for this latest in the long line of stupid situations he’d put himself in over the last couple of days.

After a thoughtful pause, Benton offered, ‘Would it help if I told you about something that’s been troubling me lately? If I also, er, blurted out a confidence?’

‘Sure, Benny.’ Though it seemed unlikely that this self-contained, self-assured kid could ever _blurt_.

They were still huddled up close together, Ray lying on the bed, and Benton sitting next to him, leaning in with his head bent. Benton took another moment to consider his confidence, then he began telling the tale.

‘My father has had two good friends in the RCMP – the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. One was a man named Gerard. They had worked together for years. But then my father discovered that Gerard was guilty of gun-running and taking bribes. After my father confronted him, Gerard attempted to have him killed. Despite all this, when my father finally arrested Gerard and brought him to justice, this was not considered to be a good thing for my father to do. No one liked him for it. My father was posted here to Chicago, to a meaningless job.’ Benny’s blue eyes widened. ‘I don’t understand any of this, Ray. My father did the right thing, and he’s been punished for it.’

‘Living in Chicago is a punishment?’ Ray asked, a little defensive.

‘I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend. It’s your home, Ray, but it isn’t ours.’

‘Yeah, OK, I understand. And none of that seems fair, right? First his friend turns out to be a crook, and then no one appreciates your Dad following the law we’re all meant to be following.’

‘I want to be a Mountie, too,’ Benton said. Though there was a reluctant trace of doubt in his voice. ‘I wanted to be a Mountie.’

Ray stroked at the boy’s hands. ‘Follow your dreams, Benny. You get hurt sometimes, but it’s the most important thing to do, I reckon. Follow your dreams.’ Ray glanced around. ‘That’s why I’m here, of course. So I don’t know why the hell you’d listen to me.’

‘If you’re still brave enough to follow your dreams, despite this – and it seems that you are, Ray – then of course I’ll listen to you. Who better to listen to?’

‘Caro…’ It was Ray’s mother standing there. She was such a large and cuddly woman that she took up the entire entrance of the cubicle.

‘Ma,’ Ray said, unable to prevent himself smiling in welcome, though it hurt his mouth where his Pop had hit him. Felt like he’d end up with a bruised lip, but people would assume it was the result of that kid’s baseball bat, so that was all right.

‘Oh, caro.’ She came in, looking him over with a mother’s concerned and knowing eye. ‘What did they do to you?’

Benny had stood up, as was appropriate when a lady entered the room, but Ray wouldn’t let his hand go. ‘Ma, don’t you go worrying,’ Ray said easily. ‘A couple of kids beat me up some, but I’m OK.’

‘They told me they’re keeping you here overnight.’

‘Only for observation, because I got a tap on the head. They want to make sure I don’t have a concussion. Otherwise I’m fine.’

‘Your arm?’

‘It’s not broken, it’s just a fracture.’

‘And your ribs, caro. Don’t pretend to your mother that everything is fine.’

‘Everything _is_ fine, Ma,’ he said, finding a grin from deep within himself. ‘Here, this is Benny. He came along at just the right time. Stopped them before they could really hurt me.’

‘Benton Fraser, ma’am,’ Benny said politely. He stepped forward, his left hand still gripped in Ray’s right, and he offered to shake hands with Ray’s mother. ‘I’m sure anyone would have done the same.’

‘No, they wouldn’t,’ Ray insisted again. ‘Benny, you’re a hero, no arguments about it.’

‘I’m pleased to meet you, Benton,’ Ma Vecchio said, shaking the boy’s hand. She didn’t seem to give a second thought to the fact that her son still held Benny’s other hand in his. Ray wondered if she would mind about him being queer – he hoped not, for he didn’t want to hurt her. She asked now, ‘Where is your father, Raimondo? I sent him here to be with you, I couldn’t get away earlier, the other children needed me. Your father said he’d sit with you.’

‘Benny’s sitting with me, Ma, you don’t need to worry about that.’

‘But your father –’

Ray interrupted her. ‘Hey, he was miserable here, you know he hates hospitals. I told him he should go, he was just getting too unhappy. It’s OK, Ma. Benny’s been with me the whole time.’

Ma eventually looked across at the other boy. ‘And your parents, Benton? It’s late. Do they know where you are?’

‘Yes, ma’am. I called my father while Ray was in the x-ray department. He understands. He’s a Mountie, ma’am, he expects me to help people when I can.’

‘You’re a good boy,’ she told Benton, and she patted him on the cheek. And then she leaned down to kiss Ray. He would have been embarrassed by that, if it was anyone other than Benton here.

Of course Benton insisted Ma take the only chair, so Ray insisted that Benny sit up beside him on the bed – and as the boy was blessedly still, and didn’t jar Ray’s injuries, that worked out fine. And they talked for a while, the three of them, easy stuff about Canada and Chicago, and all the chat kept the pain hovering up there just out of reach.

But eventually Benton said he should go, and Ray anxiously asked, ‘Will you come visit me tomorrow? At home, I mean. We’re at 2926 North Octavia.’

‘Of course I will, if that’s all right with you, Mrs Vecchio.’

‘Yes, Benton. You come by any time you like.’

The boy stood. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but didn’t quite know how. Ray reached out to clasp his hand again. Crazy, to find Benton so damned beautiful. ‘Thanks,’ Ray said. ‘Thanks for coming to the rescue tonight.’

A glance at Ma Vecchio, then Benton said, ‘Don’t let your friend make you bitter, Ray. Follow your dreams.’

‘You’re not going to make me bitter, are you, Benny?’ Ray blurted out. ‘You’re my friend now.’

‘Yes, I’m your friend,’ the boy said. He still seemed uneasy, as if he didn’t want to leave until something else had been said or done.

Ray wondered what he could do to make this easier. Though he had no idea what Benton wanted from him, Ray was certain of his own reactions. Could Benton have figured out already that Ray felt utterly comfortable with his mother? There was no need to be shy here. He didn’t have to hide anything from her. But Ray was wanting too much. Benton would hardly have had the same reactions to Ray as Ray’d had to him – this pathetic awful-looking kid who got rejected and beaten up. Benny wouldn’t want him.

At last Benton shifted. Quickly, so Ray barely realized it was coming, Benton clutched at Ray’s hand, then leaned down and pressed a dry kiss to Ray’s temple. The temple that hadn’t been injured.

Gaping, Ray watched as Benton nodded a farewell to Ma, and then left the cubicle. The curtain fell back into place, and Ray was alone with his mother.

What to make of that kiss? It was too chaste, surely, to indicate what Ray hoped for. A ridiculous hope anyway – Benton thought Ray loved Frank – and Benton was far too beautiful to want someone as ugly as Ray.

‘He’s lonely,’ said Ma. ‘This boy is lonely. I know you’ll be a good friend to him, Raimondo.’

Well, if Benny was lonely for a friend, Ray could do that. Benton didn’t have to know that Ray was fickle enough to give his heart and soul to one boy on one night, and another on the next. How was anyone ever going to trust Ray, with him having such changeable emotions?

Ray shifted onto his back, and sighed. The sigh let the pain in again. It was duller now, but it was there, bearing down on him. His ribs were heavily bound, his left arm was heavy and numb, his head ached. And his heart yearned as Ray day-dreamed about the sapphire blue eyes of his square-jawed hero.

♦

‘Oh my God. Ray…’ Elaine gaped at Ray as he walked into Arliss’s dining room. Arliss and Elaine both stood from the table, shocked at his appearance.

Ray grinned, feeling foolish. ‘Didn’t someone tell you why I wasn’t at school today? Thought I’d be all anyone was talking about for once.’

‘Yes, but… I had no idea. Or, I don’t know, _seeing_ it is different.’ Elaine was in front of Ray now, reaching a tentative finger to his swollen lower lip. ‘Are you going to be OK? God, Ray. You look terrible.’

‘Yeah, yeah. No need to remind me. I’ll be fine.’ Ray smiled at his friends’ concern. ‘Hey, it’s mostly bruising. I can deal with bruising, I’m used to it.’ He dropped his gaze for a moment, and resisted the urge to glance back at Benton, who hovered by his shoulder. ‘Basketball is a contact sport, after all.’

‘ _Mostly_ bruising…?’

‘A couple of fractures, too, but I’m mobile, right?’ Which was true, though he was stiff and sore, and was moving like he was seventy years old.

‘Who did this to you?’ Elaine asked. Not just concerned now – she was angry. ‘Who the hell did this to you?’

‘I don’t know.’

She glared at him. ‘Ray…’

Shrugging, he repeated, ‘I don’t know.’

‘Was it…’ Elaine closed her eyes for a moment, took a breath, then confronted him. She whispered, ‘Was it your father?’

‘No!’ Ray took a step back, he was so shocked. How to answer? He didn’t even know Elaine knew about that. ‘No. Of course not. Why would you even think –’

‘Ray,’ she interrupted flatly, shaking her head. ‘All right. If it wasn’t your bastard of a father, who was it?’

‘I don’t _know_ , OK?’ Ray pleaded. ‘Look,’ he said, desperately wanting to change the subject. ‘Look, this is Benton. He saved me last night. He…’

Elaine was successfully distracted, all right. She was gazing past Ray to Benton, gazing at Ray’s new friend as if she’d seen an angel. And, well, Ray knew exactly how she felt. ‘Benton?’ she asked.

‘Yes, Miss. Benton Fraser.’ He stepped forward and reached around Ray to shake her hand. ‘Pleased to meet you.’

‘Elaine Besbriss,’ she replied, giving him her best dazzling smile. She’d smiled at Ray like that once. It was probably completely unintentional on Elaine’s part, but Ray had sure day-dreamed about it often enough. If he’d chosen to go to her, rather than Frank, Ray would not have been beaten up, whether she’d said yes or no. But Ray wouldn’t have met Benton, either. This whole thing wasn’t so bad, really. Elaine wasn’t letting go of Benny’s hand. And Ray knew exactly why, though Benton seemed a little confused by it.

‘Er, Benny, this is Arliss Eaton. Arliss, Benton Fraser.’

‘Pleased to meet you,’ Benton said again, managing to free himself to shake Arliss’s hand.

Arliss nodded, still gaping. Sometimes it seemed Arliss’s social skills were completely nonexistent.

‘Anyway,’ Ray said briskly, hoping to get on with things before they all got too side-tracked. ‘I’m off school for the rest of the week, but that doesn’t mean I can’t study. Because the exams are coming up way too soon. So I thought I’d come along today, and bring Benton with me, and –’

‘Benton,’ Elaine said, smoothly interrupting, ‘I hope you’ll be joining our study group.’

Ray and Arliss stared at her. As for Ray, he’d love for Benny to be a part of this group – but one didn’t go around making such unilateral invitations. Ray thought they’d settled that months ago.

‘Well,’ Benton prevaricated, apparently picking up that something wasn’t quite right here, ‘I’m honored that you ask me, of course. But I’ve finished this year’s schooling, and I haven’t enrolled yet for next year. I’m really not sure which school I’ll be attending, so it seems a little premature…’

‘You’ve finished already?’ asked Ray. ‘Do they finish early in Canada?’

‘No. It’s just that when my father was posted here, my teachers decided I’d accomplished enough to simply pass me, without waiting for the end of the term and the final assessments.’

‘Cool,’ said Elaine. ‘You must be pretty smart.’

‘I work hard,’ Benton responded, returning her smile with about one-tenth of the wattage.

Humble _and_ gorgeous… How perfect could one guy get? Ray cleared his throat. ‘Can we get on with it? We need to focus on these exams, OK, and there’s only two weeks left before summer vacation…’ Ray faltered a moment. He’d had plans for those long summer weeks of freedom, and they’d involved spending a great deal of quality time with Frank… Trying to push that thought aside, Ray asked, ‘Er, what were we going to cover today?’

‘ _Pride and Prejudice_ ,’ Elaine announced. ‘That one’s yours, Ray.’

Benton’s smile grew wider.

Ray sat down at the table, taking his time easing in, with his bound ribs aching fit to bust. He grimaced at the pain, grimaced at his new friend. ‘Don’t smile like that. It ain’t my choice.’

‘The book is not your choice?’

‘No, it certainly isn’t. And literature is my specialty, but I swear, once we’re through school, I’m never reading another book or play in my life. I’ll watch the movies instead, thank you very much.’

‘But if you’re good at it…? Don’t you enjoy it?’

‘I hate it. And I have no idea why I’m good at it.’

Elaine and Arliss had already sat down again. Elaine beckoned, inviting Benton to join them, but he didn’t sit until it was clear he was expected to. Benton said, ‘I imagine you’re good at analyzing literature, Ray, because you’re good at solving puzzles, and you have an instinct for who people are.’

Ray stared at him, then looked away. He supposed that was intended as a compliment, but remembering the results of offering himself to Frank, Ray had to say, ‘I don’t know people, Benny.’

‘I suspect you do have those skills. And you’ll need them when you become a police officer.’

‘OK, OK,’ Elaine said. ‘Tell us about the book, Ray.’

‘You’ve read it, right? It’s another happy-ever-after.’ And he knew he sounded sour about that.

Elaine leaned forward. ‘Hey, so what happened with you and your someone last night? Things go the way you wanted – or,’ and her face fell, ‘did all this get in the way?’

Ray grimaced at her. ‘It’s over already, OK? It’s over. Forget it.’

Everyone was staring at him. Though after a moment Benton, who knew both the story and the identity of the someone, tactfully dropped his gaze to examine the table.

‘Ray?’ Elaine asked. ‘It’s not OK, is it?’

‘Well, it will be,’ he replied, voice hard enough to hide the cracks. That much love didn’t disappear overnight. Except maybe it could find someone new to day-dream about. Which made him fickle. Which was bad. How could Benton think anything good of him?

Elaine appeared doubtful, but she drew back, sat up straight, and let Ray get on with it.

‘OK. _Pride and Prejudice_. I think Elizabeth and Darcy are both proud and they’re both prejudiced. I mean, it’s too easy to say that Darcy is pride and Elizabeth is prejudice – it goes both ways. Darcy is proud of his heritage, and Elizabeth is proud of her quick judgement. They’re each prejudiced against the other. But they change their minds, and make a decision to be together that no one else really understands. People assume other reasons are behind it, like she wants his money.’ Ray looked around, and saw that Benton was still smiling. ‘God, I feel like an idiot.’

‘I don’t know why,’ Benton said. ‘I think that’s a fine analysis.’

‘Oh,’ said Ray, unused to compliments.

‘And I was also thinking that Elizabeth and Darcy are very brave people.’

‘Yeah,’ Ray replied, not having thought of it quite that way. ‘Yeah, you’re right. They’re brave enough to change their minds about each other, and tell each other that, and not care about what anyone else thinks.’

‘Arliss,’ said Elaine. ‘Are you going to mind if Benton joins our study group?’

Poor old Arliss. He just shook his head in the negative, unable or unwilling to speak.

Ray decided he’d clear it with Arliss later. Meanwhile, Ray pleaded, ‘OK, OK, can we focus here? Let’s just get this damned book out of the way.’

♦

Ma had insisted that Ray bring Benton home for dinner, so the two boys headed back to North Octavia. Delicious smells greeted them as they walked in through the Vecchios’ front door. ‘There’s a lot of good things in this house,’ Ray muttered.

Benton cast him a glance, more meaningful in its existence than its expression. Perhaps Ray’s new friend heard the rest of that sentence – _but there’s some bad stuff, too_. Perhaps Benton knew, for he had seen Pop at his worst. There was compassion on Benny’s face. Ray felt like drowning in it.

‘Come on,’ Ray said, and he led the way to the kitchen.

Ma welcomed them, and fussed over them, got them both milk and cookies, sat the boys down at the table while she continued cooking dinner. And every now and then she pressed a kiss to Ray’s cheek, as a cure for his aches and pains. And Benton didn’t make Ray feel embarrassed about any of it.

Ray’s youngest sister wandered in. ‘Hey, Ma. What you up to, Ray?’ And Francesca slapped him heartily on the back, jarring Ray from head to toe.

‘Franny!’ he protested through gritted teeth.

But she had stopped in her tracks. Francesca was standing there staring at Benton, smiling like she was a Christmas tree all lit up. By comparison, this made Elaine the master of self-control. ‘Wow, who’s your friend, Ray? Is this the hero from last night? Jeez, you’ll come to my rescue, won’t you, next time I need a knight in shining armor?’

Benton had stood, and offered his hand to be shaken. A blush hovered around his cheeks, and he was confused again, and he seemed even more guarded and careful than usual, but otherwise he was actually taking this in his stride. ‘Benton Fraser, Miss.’

‘Francesca Eloisa Vecchio.’ Her grin would have powered half of Chicago if someone could have found a way to harness it. ‘No one said anything much about you. Wait, don’t tell me – all Canadians are this good-looking, right?’

‘God, tone it down a little, will you?’ Ray grumbled. It seemed pretty much everyone was going to react to Benton this way – Ray had, Elaine had, and now Franny. Maybe even Frank would… ‘When you grow up, Franny,’ Ray advised, ‘you’ll realize a little subtlety goes a long way.’

‘Like you’d know,’ she retorted. Hands on her hips, showing off her too-scrawny figure. Ray winced, wishing for her own sake that she presented with a bit more class. ‘Anyway, I’m almost fifteen. I’m grown up already.’

‘Oh, that must make me positively middle-aged.’

‘Everyone knows that girls mature faster than boys.’ And that bright insinuating smile was again aimed full at Benton.

‘Ma,’ Ray said, ‘Benny and I are going up to my room to study, OK? In peace and quiet,’ he pointedly added in his sister’s direction. ‘Come on, Benny.’

Benton nodded politely at Ma and Franny, and obediently followed Ray up the stairs. The stairs which Ray found to be rather tough going. Once they’d reached his bedroom, Ray waited long enough to ensure that Benton firmly closed the door – then he sat on his bed, and collapsed back to lie in an inelegant sprawl. ‘It’s been a long day,’ he muttered, even though he’d gotten to sleep in, and the only exertion he’d made was walking over to Arliss’s place and back with Benny. ‘I can write up the study sheet in the morning.’

His new friend just stood there looking down at him. ‘I think,’ Benton said slowly, ‘you’re used to keeping your pain to yourself.’

Ray squinted up at him suspiciously. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, you’ve been in more pain today than you’ve let other people know.’

‘Yeah, maybe.’ Ray essayed a shrug as well as he was able. His bound ribs protested. ‘I don’t want Ma to worry.’

‘It seems to be something you’re good at,’ Benton elaborated. ‘Hiding your pain. I think that’s very sad, Ray. Because I don’t think it comes naturally to you to hide things.’

Ray stared up at the ceiling, trying not to cry. ‘Well, you know. Basketball injuries and stuff. Ma wouldn’t let me play if she knew some of the things that go on.’

At last Benton sat down – and the sweet thing was that he chose to sit beside Ray on the bed, and he reached to hold Ray’s hand in his own. It was a chaste and friendly gesture, like the kiss last night at the hospital. And Benton simply said, ‘You tell me, Ray, if there’s ever anything I can do to help stop the pain, all right?’

‘All right,’ Ray whispered, trying _like hell_ not to cry.

So, Benton knew, because he’d been there last night when Sal Vecchio came to visit his son. And it seemed that Elaine had guessed. Well, Ray supposed he didn’t mind too much. In fact, he was kind of glad that Benny knew all Ray’s deepest darkest secrets, and was still here beside him. But, otherwise, Ray wanted to keep such things to himself. Salvatore Vecchio, in particular, was Ray’s shameful secret.

Benton’s hand clutched tighter for a moment, providing reassurance. Ray had rarely felt so blessed. This beautiful kid seemed to want to be Ray’s friend despite everything. Perhaps it was just because Benton was lonely here, new to Chicago, but Ray didn’t really care. He had Benton’s friendship, for now at least. There was no way Ray would ever have more than that, but perhaps just loving Benton and being his friend would be enough. Why spoil that by wanting more?

Ray idly wondered who Benton might chose as his girlfriend. Or boyfriend, Ray supposed – though right now Ray was feeling like being queer must be a one-in-a-million thing. Yeah, Ray was feeling he might never meet another guy who’d love him that way. And surely Benton wasn’t queer, because Ray would never be that lucky. Anyway, girl or boy, it seemed like Benton could probably have his pick. Perhaps Elaine. She was plenty nice enough – beautiful and tough and smart – wonderful enough even for Benton Fraser.

Interrupting such speculations, the door flew open, and Franny stood there in all her tawdry glory. ‘Would you like more milk, Benton?’ she asked.

Ray groaned. His fool sister had changed out of her school uniform and into some scrap of red that should have been a dress. If Sal saw her like that, she’d catch it bad. ‘Go away, Franny.’

‘Cookies?’ she offered.

‘No, thank you kindly,’ Benton replied.

Suddenly realizing he was lying on his bed holding hands with a boy in front of his sister, Ray blushed and struggled to sit up. Franny seemed to pay it no mind, however, and neither did Benton – who obviously had no more than friendly intentions. ‘Will you get out of here, Franny? We’re trying to study.’

‘Sure you are,’ she retorted. But she turned tail and headed off, no doubt planning a different attention-getting ploy.

‘Sorry about that,’ Ray said to his new friend. He slowly walked over to shut the door, then jammed the chair under the handle for good measure. That would work, at least until Sal got home. Sal did not appreciate being shut out of anywhere he considered he had a right to be.

Out of nowhere, Benton said, ‘I did like your analysis of the Jane Austen novel, Ray.’

‘Yeah, and I liked what you said.’

‘Bravery,’ Benton mused. ‘I think you’re brave, Ray. In keeping your pain a secret in order to protect others. In admitting that you are… queer. In offering your love to your friend.’

‘Brave or a complete fool.’

‘Brave,’ Benton repeated in that authoritative tone.

This time, once he’d sat down again and fallen back on the bed, Ray reached for Benton’s hand, and clutched it tight. ‘No one talks to me like this,’ Ray commented.

‘You like talking, don’t you?’

‘Well, yeah. I guess.’

‘I suppose I’ve led a relatively solitary life. I’m not used to discussing such matters. But it occurred to me that I might be the only person you can talk to about your friend Frank. As far as I’m aware, you’ve kept it a secret from everyone else. So I thought I would offer –’ Those blue eyes turned candidly to Ray. ‘Not that I am in any position to offer advice. But if you’d like to talk about what happened…’

‘Oh, Benny.’ What luxury to be offered this discreet shoulder on which to unload all his grief over Frank’s betrayal. ‘You don’t want me to dump all that on you.’

‘Why not?’

‘It’s kind of weird, don’t you reckon? Weird and… nasty.’

Benton sat there beside him, friendly despite knowing the worst. ‘I believe you’ve acted throughout consistent with the best of human qualities.’

Ray looked at the kid for a while. ‘Are you being curious again, Benny?’

The barest hint of consciousness on that handsome face. ‘Ah, yes, you’ve found me out. But I was also genuinely offering you something I thought you’d appreciate.’

‘I do, Benny. I do appreciate it. I just don’t know that I have much to say. I told you the story of what happened. Frank’s been my friend since as long as I can remember, and he did _that_ to me. That hurts bad, and I don’t mean the fractures.’

‘Yes, I can see it would hurt.’ Benton tilted his head in consideration of something – he looked quite adorable when he did that. Then he said, ‘You thought you’d need to give up your dream of being a police officer – was that because you’d be committed to a homosexual relationship?’

Ray let out a breath, grinning wryly despite his sore mouth. Well, of course he hadn’t really told Benton anything about who Frank was. ‘That’s part of it, though I figure me being queer shouldn’t stop me from being a cop or any other damned thing I want to be. The problem is, they say that Frank’s father Carl Zuko is the Mafia boss for the whole West Side of Chicago.’

‘They _say_ …?’

‘Well, OK, no one says it out loud, but they all whisper about it behind closed doors. Everyone just _knows_. And Frank is Carl’s son and heir, Frank’s going to grow up to be just like his Dad.’

Benton was staring hard at Ray now.

And Ray realized what he’d done. This boy who was as straight and true an arrow as Ray had ever met, this boy who wanted to be a Mountie like his father – this boy was not going to want to be friends with a guy who was prepared to love a mob-boss-in-waiting. ‘I’m a good person,’ Ray said, stumbling over the words, wondering if he had the right to make any such claim. ‘I’m a good person, Benny, and I really want to be a cop. But I love Frank, I always loved him no matter who he was or what he did. And I had to choose. I chose him. That makes me pretty stupid, right?’

‘No, Ray,’ Benton murmured so quietly Ray almost couldn’t hear him. ‘That makes you a person to whom love is very important.’ A long moment before Benton continued, ‘Ray, are you telling me that you still love Frank?’

‘Oh. Well, you know, I don’t reckon that kind of love can just disappear overnight. So I guess I do. Though I don’t suppose I won’t get around to loving someone else at some stage.’

‘Would you still be his friend?’

Ray’s head _knew_ he shouldn’t forgive Frank for this, but Ray’s heart insisted otherwise. ‘Yes, I’d still be his friend.’

Benton looked rather troubled by this confession. ‘It doesn’t seem to be a relationship that you benefit from, Ray.’

‘No, Frank’s the one who benefits.’ And Ray began babbling, which was one of his worst traits, but when he was feeling this low there was just no stopping his mouth. ‘No one really likes Frank except me. His trainee goons do anything he says, but that’s all about power and stuff. All the other kids are afraid of him, so they suck up to him and he thinks he’s respected. Carl gives him about as much hell as Sal gives me. I figure that, except for me and maybe his Ma, no one loves Frank just for who he is.’

It didn’t mean anything more than friendship, it certainly didn’t mean what Ray wanted it to mean – but Benton eased back to lie beside Ray on the bed, their feet still on the floor over the side, their gazes on the ceiling, and their hands still clutching each other. It was nice, simply lying there with Benton.

Ray continued, ‘Elaine and Arliss don’t just dislike Frank, they hate him. I have a few really good friends, but not many of them like each other, which can get really weird. Conflicting loyalties, I think they call it. Like, I’ve been giving Frank help with his homework and stuff, I’ve been giving him the study sheets that Arliss and Elaine and me work on. But they told me yesterday that I shouldn’t do that anymore, that they don’t want me to help Frank with our stuff. And I guess I can see their point, because Frank’s not the only one who benefits from that – he gives the stuff to all his dumb goons, and I kind of suspect he’s been selling some of it to other kids, too.’

Benton had let his head fall sideways, so that he was facing Ray. And he was frowning. Once Ray quit babbling, Benton finally said, ‘I think it’s wonderful that you can love this young man so unconditionally, Ray. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed such generosity of spirit. But…’

‘Yeah, but what?’

‘But… despite that, my strongest advice would be to break off your friendship with him. It seems to do you nothing but harm.’

Well, Ray couldn’t exactly argue with that. He sighed. It was so tempting to say right now – if you’d be my friend instead, Benny, if I could love you like that instead, then I would let go of Frank, I would let him go and I would turn with all my heart to you. But Ray didn’t want this tentative new friendship, however it might turn out, to be based on some kind of deal.

‘Ray, he has treated you so badly. I expect anyone else would be thinking of revenge right now, rather than love.’

‘Yeah. What the hell kind of man am I?’

‘A generous, trusting, loving, honest, open man. Someone who deserves far more than what Frank Zuko has given him.’

Ray let out another sigh, and then he laughed kind of weakly. ‘You know what I should do? If there weren’t other kids involved – I should give Frank that chemistry study sheet, but with all the wrong information. I should make him fail miserably. That would serve him right.’

‘I don’t know that I was actually recommending revenge as an alternate course of action, Ray…’

‘Maybe you’re right, though. Maybe I should break off with him.’ Even saying it made Ray’s heart lurch in protest. It was, like, even with Benton lying here beside him, Ray was still functioning on the basis of loving Frank. But maybe that was something he could learn not to do, maybe he could begin working towards letting Frank go. Something inside of Ray – not his head or his heart, but perhaps something in his gut – told him that was really the best thing to do, no matter how much it might hurt. ‘Yeah, maybe I should let him go.’

Ray didn’t even realize he was weeping until Benton gently brushed the tears away. ‘You’re a very brave man, too, Ray,’ Benton murmured. He got up onto one elbow, moving carefully so as not to jar Ray’s aches and pains, and then Benton leaned over to press a chaste kiss to Ray’s swollen lip. A lovely moment of contact, before the boy drew away again.

They considered each other for a long moment. ‘Are you kissing me better?’ Ray asked lightly.

‘Well, I do believe that someone has to,’ Benton replied in the same half-serious tone.

‘And you thought you’d volunteer?’

A tilt of that beautiful head. But Ray never found out what Benton’s reply would have been, because that’s when Ma Vecchio called them down for dinner.

♦

‘You live like this?’ Ray looked about him, knowing he was being rude, but too startled to prevent it. Apparently Benton Fraser and his father lived in this barren one-room apartment. Ray could hardly imagine anything further from the comfortable clutter and rambling space of the Vecchio home – at least, not while staying with the same general principle of having four walls and a roof.

‘Yes.’

‘It’s kind of… basic, isn’t it?’

Benton looked about him, too, as if reconsidering this place. ‘It’s rather Spartan, perhaps, compared to your family home, but it suits us.’

‘Spartan, like the Greeks? I thought you were Canadian.’

‘Well, that doesn’t mean we can’t aspire to their qualities of endurance, frugality and simplicity. My father has been posted to towns and outposts throughout the Territories – this is quite luxurious compared to some places I’ve lived.’

Ray just shook his head and smiled at the boy. ‘Better you than me, Benny. But all I care about right now is sitting down, OK? Hell, lying down, preferably.’ It had been quite a walk to come over here with Benton, but Ray hadn’t been about to turn down the suggestion. He’d wanted to see how his new friend lived – and that had proved quite fascinating – though now Ray was exhausted. ‘This your bed?’ he asked, gesturing at the narrow cot to the right of the door.

‘No, that’s my father’s.’ Benton appeared a little conscious. ‘I sleep on a bed-roll over here.’ He led the way past a dividing wall, and around to their left. A rather thin looking mattress was tied up in a neat cylinder, tucked away on the bare wooden floor under a window. Beside it was a small chest, with a stack of books and a framed photo arranged on top. And that was it – the extent of Benton Fraser’s bedroom.

‘You really like living like this?’

‘Yes, Ray.’

Letting out a chuckle, Ray sagged against the wall. All his vague runaway day-dreams of living happily-ever-after with this boy – while even less realistic than most fantasies – vanished in a puff of Spartan smoke. ‘Ah, Benny…’

‘There’s an easy chair over here,’ Benton offered, solicitous.

‘It sure don’t look easy to me.’ But Ray was grateful to be helped across the room to sink into the thing. And actually, if it wasn’t for the hard wooden boards the chair was made of, the design itself would have been quite comfortable.

Benton fussed over Ray for a moment or two, and brought him a glass of lemonade made by a neighbor, which was pleasantly sweet and tangy all at once. And then Benton was sitting cross-legged on the floor beside Ray, and they were simply quiet together for a while. Which was really rather wonderful.

‘I’ve been thinking about Frank,’ Ray finally confessed.

Turning a curious stare upon him, Benton prompted, ‘Yes, Ray?’ Those beautiful sapphire eyes were quite breathtaking.

Ray wondered if he was imagining the hint of anxiety amidst Benton’s curiosity. ‘You know how I said I could give him all the wrong information on the study sheet for the chemistry exam? I was thinking what would be really funny was if I gave him all the _right_ answers, and he scored a perfect one hundred percent, and then everyone would _know_ he cheated.’ And Ray just had to have another chuckle over the idea. When it had occurred to him late the previous night, he’d curled up in his bed for what seemed like an hour, burying his head under the pillows, trying to stifle the giggles so that his Pop wouldn’t hear. It had been painful, because his ribs had given him hell as he lay there shaking, but for some odd reason Ray just hadn’t been able to quit laughing. ‘What do you reckon?’

Benton seemed serious rather than amused. ‘Well, that would require you knowing the actual questions in the first place, Ray.’

‘Yeah, I realize that. I was just kidding around. Although the thought of the look on Frank’s face, finding out that he got perfect scores – on _all_ his exams,’ Ray said, letting the idle day-dream grow, ‘and knowing he’ll cop it so bad from the headmaster, that just tickles me to death.’

‘I don’t think he’d be as forgiving of you, as you are of him.’

‘I’d tell him we’re even,’ Ray announced. ‘I’d tell him we’re quits, and it’s over between us.’

‘Would you?’ Benton sounded the tiniest bit wistful.

‘So…’ Ray let his head drop against the back of the chair, and he began rambling, figuring out how this grand and silly scheme would work. ‘We’d have to steal the exam papers from the head’s office. That would require breaking and entering one night, which wouldn’t be too difficult because there’s a skylight over the admin area that hasn’t quite closed properly ever since they repainted last month.’

‘That’s very observant of you, Ray.’

‘I wanted to be a cop, remember? I kind of look around at security problems, wherever I am. I look for changes and differences, anything out of the ordinary. Anyway, we couldn’t leave any clues that we’ve stolen the papers, because then they’d just change the exams – so we’d have to copy the papers then and there, and we’d better check that day that the photocopier’s actually working.’

‘You obviously pay fine attention to detail.’

‘Thank you, Benny. Once we have the papers, then we set our study group to work on figuring out the perfect answers. Shouldn’t be too hard, because we’re all pretty smart, and we’d have plenty of time, and we basically cover all the topics between us, and I bet you can help, too.’

‘Ah,’ said Benton.

‘What?’

‘No, please keep going. I do have a point to make, but we can come back to it.’

Ray frowned a little. ‘We need to cut the other kids out of the loop. So, we can tell them we’re running a scam on Frank, we’re giving him all the wrong answers. No one will give us away, because he’d not as popular as he likes to think. We’ll leave the trainee goons alone – it will be even more obvious that he’s been cheating if he and his dumb pals all get perfect scores. The other kids, we’ll give them our usual study sheets, or we’ll tell them to study on their own for once.’

‘ _That_ would be a good result,’ Benton declared.

‘Yeah, it would. Probably about time we all started standing on our own two feet.’ Ray lifted his head and looked down at his new friend. ‘So, what was your point?’

‘The only flaw I can see in your plan – other than the obvious flaws of breaking the law, and behaving rather unethically – is that if you, Arliss and Elaine know the perfect answers as well as Frank, then _your_ scores will also be excessively high. Even if you attempted to provide the answers as if you hadn’t seen the exam papers before, I think you’d find it difficult to forget all the specific information you had learned – and it would be difficult not to use it, under the circumstances.’

‘And then everyone would know we were part of the scam, rather than us hanging Frank out to dry on his own. Damn!’ Ray frowned over this. ‘Perhaps if we work out a few less-than-perfect answers for me and Arliss and Elaine, and we promise to use them no matter what…’

‘Ray,’ Benton tentatively asked, ‘you’re not seriously considering carrying this out, are you?’

‘No,’ said Ray. But another laugh welled up within him. ‘Oh, you’ve got to admit it’s rather tempting.’

‘It’s an interesting plan, and quite creative,’ Benton allowed.

‘It would sure take the wind out of Frank’s sails.’

‘And you feel it would take something like this in order for you and Frank to call it quits between you?’

Ray closed his eyes for a moment. The pain of Frank’s betrayal wasn’t so sharp today. And Ray didn’t know whether to be pleased or not when he realized that the yearning for Frank’s love wasn’t so overwhelming any more either. But how could it be, with this beautiful boy beside him, and Ray’s heart so fickle? What Ray most needed was to clearly tell Frank it was over – the friendship and the love and everything – and then give himself time to heal. Wallowing around for a while in a glow of unrequited love for Benton would surely help salve all Ray’s wounds. What a delightful way to spend the summer vacation…

A gentle hand settled on Ray’s knee. ‘Ray? Are you all right?’

‘Yes,’ he whispered.

‘I’d like to help you, Ray.’

‘I’d like that, too,’ he replied, not really knowing what Benton meant. Ray opened his eyes and looked at the boy, and a difficult moment passed. Again, Ray couldn’t quite make out what Benton wanted from him, so Ray had little idea what he could do to make things easier for them both. Eventually, he recalled something that had piqued his interest before exhaustion had taken its toll. ‘Hey, Benny, what’s that photo by your bed?’

‘Oh.’ The boy looked over at the framed photo sitting on the chest. ‘That’s my mother, Caroline,’ he explained, while getting up and fetching it for Ray to see. ‘She died when I was six years old.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘So was I,’ Benton said thoughtfully.

The woman in the photo was slim and young and lovely. While it was a black-and-white shot, it seemed that she shared her son’s thick dark hair, bright blue eyes and creamy pale complexion. Ray offered, ‘She was very pretty.’

‘Yes.’ Then Benton added, ‘I hardly remember her. I wish I did – I usually have total recall, though I suppose I was quite young when she died. I do have an idea that when I cuddled up to her, she was very warm. She felt warm, she even smelled warm. Does that make any sense to you?’

‘Sure,’ Ray whispered, thinking of his own Ma and her enveloping hugs, and of how he always seemed to associate her with a rich flavorsome lasagna. He couldn’t figure out if that was a sweetly harmlessly good thing, or a totally embarrassingly bad thing.

‘It might be a memory, or maybe it’s just a dream I had.’

‘Well, it’s true either way, right?’

Benton smiled at him, gratefully, happily. ‘Thank you, Ray. Yes, you’re absolutely right.’

Ray let himself wallow in that for a moment, before asking, ‘So, it’s just been you and your Dad since then?’

‘And my grandparents – his parents. They are good people, all of them, but not…’

‘…warm,’ Ray supplied.

Benton nodded, apparently unwilling to actually say this out loud. The boy wandered back over to his bed-roll, and replaced the photo exactly where it belonged. ‘They’re good people,’ he muttered to himself.

There were footsteps sharp in the hall outside, the door to the apartment opened wide – and a Mountie strode inside. Ray gaped a little, though he had no idea why he hadn’t been expecting Benton’s father to be just this, no more and no less. A Mountie, in a formal and slightly ridiculous red uniform. A man short in stature but commanding nevertheless, with a stern face that had weathered a great deal of life. His son had learned his odd air of authority from his father, Ray figured, though Benton had inherited all his beauty from his mother.

Belatedly, Ray struggled to stand up. It was an effort, and his ribs gave him hell because he forgot not to bend forward too far.

‘You must be Raymond Vecchio,’ the Mountie said.

‘Yes, sir.’

The man had been looking Ray over, and now his tone softened to gruffness. ‘They beat you up good, didn’t they, son?’

‘Yes, sir. Mr. Fraser.’

Benton was standing beside Ray now. There was something a little bit wrong in his stance, something very tense. And something rather touching – it seemed that Benton was feeling protective of Ray. ‘Good afternoon, Dad. How was work today?’

‘Much the same as yesterday, Benton.’

‘Ah,’ his son responded shortly. Apparently this wasn’t good.

‘I visited the taxi cab company this afternoon when my shift ended.’

‘Yes?’ And Benton was wary now. Ray frowned a little. His new friend had seemed so incredibly self-assured in so many different situations, it was odd to see him feeling at a disadvantage now.

‘I spoke to the driver who helped you two boys, William Mulroney, and I spoke to his supervisor at length. I presented them with a letter of gratitude on Consulate letterhead, signed by the Chief Liaison Officer, to help ensure that Mr. Mulroney’s good conduct is noted on his personal file. And I paid the fare and a gratuity of fifteen percent, in American funds.’

‘Dad, I thought we agreed that a simple thank you would suffice.’

‘Son, there are actually a few benefits to being posted to a Consulate, and one is that a suitable amount of fuss can be made through official channels.’

‘But Mr. Mulroney indicated to me that he would like his actions to be considered as those of a Good Samaritan. Instead of feeling generous and noble, he probably now feels isolated and rather foolish.’

‘Do you feel you have come to know the Americans that well so quickly?’

‘I would have thought it was human nature, Dad, to seek balance. Our thanks would have been best if kept in proportion to the original deed. Making a fuss singles out Mr. Mulroney as the only taxi driver in Chicago capable of doing a good turn.’

‘Maybe he is.’

‘Oh, how can he be? But you make it a little truer by your actions.’

‘Have it your way,’ Constable Robert Fraser said grudgingly. He turned, headed into the kitchen area, and began banging around with pots and pans.

Ray had hovered there at Benton’s shoulder through this entire exchange, gaping all the while. ‘Wow,’ he inadvertently whispered now, hoping that Mr. Fraser couldn’t hear him.

‘I’m sorry, Ray,’ Benton said smoothly and pointedly, ‘I didn’t notice the time. Perhaps we should make a start on the walk back to your house?’

‘Yeah, that’d be good,’ said Ray.

‘Dad? I’m going to accompany Ray home. I should be back in an hour or so.’

‘All right,’ his father agreed. ‘I’ll have dinner waiting.’

‘Pleased to meet you, sir,’ Ray offered on his way out.

‘Likewise, son.’ And Constable Fraser shook hands with Ray, for all the world as if the boy deserved an adult’s respect.

♦

Outside the apartment building, Benton set off down the street, walking a little too fast for Ray to comfortably keep up with him. Rather than protest, however, Ray made the effort to build up the required inertia, staring in wonder at his square-jawed hero. Benton was obviously unhappy, mulling something over with an angry light in his eyes. It was the first time since they’d met, Ray reflected, during which Benton had been completely oblivious to Ray.

They walked in silence for two blocks, until Ray simply couldn’t contain himself any longer. ‘I can’t believe how you stood up to your father. Telling him he was wrong, telling him why. I’d be too scared.’

‘I was scared,’ Benton said shortly.

‘You didn’t look it. You looked brave and… what’s the word? – resolute. You _defied_ him!’

‘I was very scared, Ray.’

‘Oh.’ Ray thought about this. ‘Then I’ve got to learn how you do that.’

‘No, you don’t.’

‘Believe me, I do. I’m scared as hell of my Pop, and I need to learn how to stand up to him. I need to defy him.’

‘But how I relate to my father isn’t an answer, Ray. It’s not the best way for me, and I think it would be a big mistake for you. I’m sure we can learn from each other, but not that.’

Ray frowned at his new friend. ‘What on earth could you learn from me?’

‘Well, I’d like to learn how you… express so much of yourself, how you _live_. How you are so open and generous.’ Benton strode on for a moment, before blurting, ‘I’m shutting him out, don’t you see that? I’m keeping my own father at a distance.’

‘All right, I can see that’s not a good thing for you. But I still wish there was more of a distance between me and mine.’

‘He makes a fuss over a taxi driver, he’s quite capable of telling people they are appreciated, he has the closest of friends – yet he’s so undemonstrative with his own son.’

Ray smiled wryly. ‘You know, Benny, we’ve got opposing problems. I wish my Pop was rather _less_ demonstrative in how he feels about me, and you wish your Dad was rather _more_ demonstrative…’

Benton glanced back at Ray, and came to an abrupt halt, his face betraying utter consternation. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, Ray, I’m walking far too fast for you. How thoughtless of me.’

‘Don’t worry about it, you were unhappy. I can understand that.’

They stood there on the sidewalk while Ray caught his breath and let the pain subside. Into the moment’s silence, Benton gently said, ‘What your Pop demonstrates? It’s not how he truly feels about you personally, Ray. It’s other things. It’s an outlet for his own pain.’

‘Yeah, I guess I know that.’ Ray shook his head, at last free to say these difficult things out loud. ‘I used to feel it was all my fault, like he wouldn’t do that if only I was a better son. But I figured that one out. Took me years, I guess I’m a slow learner, but I figured out that it wasn’t my fault. I still wish I had a better father, though, or that I got on better with him.’

Benton was looking at him closely, and meeting his gaze – not avoiding Ray like anyone else might, what with him saying these things. The boy whispered, ‘It’s not a measure of your true worth, Ray.’

Ray felt those words ease his heart, like they were a gift from God. ‘I know. But it’s hard to remember that sometimes.’ And it was so damned nice to hear someone else offer this as his honest opinion. Ray smiled, loving this boy for being as beautiful on the inside as he was on the outside.

But Benton had turned away a little, and now confessed, ‘I often wish I was a better son.’

‘Well, you should listen to your own lessons, Benny. The only person who can measure your true worth is you.’

With a tilt of his head, Benton asked if Ray was ready to continue walking now. They set off again, at a far more reasonable pace. After another couple of blocks of silence, Benton suddenly announced, ‘This plan of yours to embarrass your friend Frank. I’d like to help you.’

‘What?’ Ray stared at the boy, rather shocked. ‘But I was just day-dreaming. It involves breaking the law, and it’s unethical, you said so yourself.’

‘I don’t think Frank should get away with what he did to you, Ray. If you’re not prepared to let the law answer his actions, then maybe we should try a different way. Your plan would actually accomplish a great deal of good.’

‘But… it still involves doing things that are wrong. If your father found out, he’d be mad at you doing the wrong things, no matter what the results. And you want to be a Mountie,’ Ray added, sensing that Benton’s aspirations brought with them a stricter and more noble adherence to right and wrong as defined by the law, than did Ray’s own dreams of being a Chicago cop – surely a more malleable thing to be, though even Ray couldn’t quite incorporate a liaison with Frank Zuko in those dreams.

Something troubled had fallen across Benton’s beautiful face. ‘Ray, I don’t think I know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore.’

Ray mulled over this, though it wasn’t hard to figure out what Benton was referring to. ‘After what happened with your Dad turning his friend in? Yeah, I know what you mean. But that’s what everyone else did – forget about them. I reckon you know in your heart, Benny, you know in your own soul what’s right and what’s wrong, and all you need to do is trust that.’

Benton was smiling at him again, in quiet appreciation. ‘Thank you once more, Ray. That’s a very wise thing to say.’ He immediately continued, ‘As for this plan of yours, no doubt there are elements of it that are wrong, but overall it feels very right to me. Anyway, it’s quite the challenge. We’ll have to be very clever to pull it off successfully.’

‘And you like being clever, right, Benny?’ Ray asked slyly.

The boy’s cheekbones went pink, and he admitted, ‘Yes.’

‘Then, what about that flaw in the plan?’

‘Actually, I thought of a solution immediately. We’ll take copies of the examination papers, but we’ll ensure that I am the only person who sees them. I am fairly certain that I can provide all the answers, given that I’ll have a few days in which to work on them, and the local library is quite well-stocked. That means the plan won’t adversely affect you or your friends. In fact, Elaine and Arliss needn’t even be aware of it.’

Ray stared at the boy for a long moment, and then let out a chuckle. ‘Benton Fraser, you amaze me.’

Those candid blue eyes turned directly to him, and Benny declared, ‘It’s mutual, Ray Vecchio.’

♦

Which is how it came to pass that Ray and his accomplice – the son and heir of a Canadian Mountie no less – broke into the school headmaster’s office late on the following night.

Even though everything in this place was completely familiar to Ray, it still all seemed weird and, to be honest, a little frightening at two in the morning. Which could be explained, he supposed, by seeing the office – so mundane in daylight – for the first time in darkness, and also by the simple fact that he just shouldn’t be there.

As far as his injuries went, Ray was feeling far more flexible by now, so he’d managed to scramble up onto the school’s roof easily enough, following Benton who seemed as agile and fearless as a cat. Not that this solidly built guy was particularly feline, but he moved as if he still had all nine lives left, and as if he knew he’d always fall on his feet.

Between them, they’d pried open the skylight, and then Benton had dropped down to the floor of the admin area, landing in a neat roll and smoothly coming to his feet. Oh yeah, thought Ray as he watched – this boy, this beautiful young man was so damned graceful and unselfconsciously assured that he took Ray’s breath away.

As they’d already agreed, Benton dragged a filing cabinet over to just below the skylight, and then lifted a chair on top of it, so that Ray could safely lower himself down. Ray was so concerned with not falling, and with trying not to stretch his torso for fear of his cracked ribs grating, that he barely noticed Benton’s hands on either side of Ray’s hips, steadying and supporting him. It was only afterwards, when Ray was safely standing on the floor, that his body recalled the boy’s firm hold. It was literally as if Benton’s hands had left cool imprints behind, palms and outspread fingers still somehow there touching Ray, separated only by denim and cotton from his skin – and Ray re-experienced the sensation with a swooning kind of pleasure.

‘What is it?’ Benton whispered.

With great embarrassment, Ray realized he had let out a needy moan – silent anywhere else, perhaps, but loud in this empty suite of offices. ‘Just a twinge,’ Ray whispered back, knowing that Benton would attribute the comment to the pain.

Accepting this, Benton then gestured towards a closed door, raising an eyebrow in query. Ray nodded – that was indeed the headmaster’s office, firmly locked. He watched with a dropped jaw as Benton efficiently broke in, using only a solid but flexible piece of plastic, causing no tell-tale damage. Seeing Ray’s surprise, Benton explained, ‘A successful career in law enforcement requires an understanding of the methods used by criminals.’

‘Of course,’ Ray responded with a wry smile. Though he could afford to tease, because despite current evidence to the contrary Ray still thought Benton was the most moral person he’d ever met.

Once Benton was inside the office, he headed straight for the main cabinet and began sorting through various files. This was actually quite impressive – based only on a mental note of Frank’s classes, as recounted by Ray, Benton was quickly locating the right exam papers out of a hundred or more alternatives. Benton then took the files over to the photocopier, which Ray had already got warmed up, and made the necessary copies – Ray winced at the noise and light created by the machine as it cycled through each paper, but Benton didn’t seem bothered by it. The files were all neatly returned, no doubt in correct order, and the copies were slipped into a folder in Benton’s backpack. The copier was turned off, and the offices fell into silence again. The entire operation had taken less than twenty minutes.

Ray was standing under the skylight, just watching this incredible boy. As Benton walked towards him, moving purposefully, Ray’s fear at being there abruptly became indistinguishable from excitement at being there with Benton. ‘I’ll help you up,’ Benton murmured, standing there so close to Ray now. They were almost exactly the same height, though Benton was far more solid than Ray. Benton was strong, capable. Unbearably beautiful.

The young man stood there waiting, ready to boost Ray up, perhaps intending to wrap his hands gently and firmly around Ray’s hips again. And there was something hot flashing in those sapphire eyes, something that looked as needy as how Ray felt, and Ray just went with the impulse to kiss the boy.

But as Ray moved so did Benton, and they ended up clashing – the plaster cast on Ray’s arm connected too suddenly with Benton’s lifted hand – and their mouths met for a moment, but so clumsily that Ray’s bruised lip suffered for it. Pain, not pleasure, in this botched embrace. And Ray realized he’d been wrong to even try, really.

Benton might simply have been about to help Ray climb up through the skylight, though Ray suspected there was a little more to it than that. But even if Benton was curious about and perhaps confused by Ray’s queerness, that didn’t make it right to take advantage of him. Anyhow, look at the ridiculous results – either there was no real interest on Benton’s part, or it just wasn’t the best time to explore – for, after a taut moment, Benton was now backing away an awkward step or two, which in itself spoke volumes from this graceful boy.

‘I’m sorry,’ Ray whispered. ‘I’m sorry, Benny. I promise I won’t try that again.’ He had to try to comfort Benton, for he still needed the boy’s physical help to get out of there. ‘You can trust me.’

‘Yes, I do trust you, Ray.’

Benton was at least prepared to behave as if that were true. He came closer again, though his whole body cried wariness, and he carefully helped Ray to clamber up to stand on the chair, and then to lift himself out through the skylight. Ray forced himself to pretend Benton’s touch was clinical, like a doctor or nurse – or friendly, like there were no complications provided by Ray’s wayward urgings. Once he was on the roof, Ray watched as Benton put the chair and the cabinet back where he’d found them.

And then cold panic swept through Ray. ‘What about you?’ he whispered.

‘There’s a rope to your left,’ Benton calmly replied. ‘Toss it down to me.’

Ray looked about him, and immediately saw a coil of rope resting on the tiles. It was securely fastened around a brick chimney about ten feet up the slope of the roof. So much for being an observant cop – Ray’d had no idea Benton set that up. He let the rope fall, and then waited open-mouthed as the boy quickly worked his way up it. Benton didn’t really need assistance with getting out onto the roof, but Ray provided it anyway.

And then Ray was closing the skylight, while Benton untied and re-coiled his rope, and they were out of there, having successfully broken at least two laws that Ray could think of.

‘Wow,’ Ray murmured as they casually strolled down the street away from the school. ‘I can’t believe we just did that.’

Benton looked at Ray, very levelly. ‘Ah, but we did,’ he responded – though it seemed as if Benton wasn’t quite sure himself whether the thought was reassuring or not.

‘Yes, we did. We did, indeed.’ And Ray was touched beyond measure to feel the briefest stroke of Benton’s fingers down the back of his hand. They walked on together – not really looking at each other, but keeping each other company in the darkness and the strangeness of Chicago at three in the morning.

♦

‘Ray. Have you thought about how you’re going to present this to Frank?’

When Ray raised his head, he found Benton looking directly at him. It was Sunday night, and they were at Ray’s place, on Ray’s bed. Benton was sitting at the head of the bed – actually sitting right where Ray’s heart beat while he lay sleeping, and Ray was sure he’d feel the heat of Benton’s presence there all night. Yes, Benton was sitting there, finishing off the last of the exam questions for Frank. And Ray was sprawled across the foot of the bed, just passing time, relaxed and comfortable even though he knew he must appear horribly ungainly.

‘You will need to convince Frank that you’re sincere. For the plan to work, he will need to trust you, trust that you’ve forgiven him, and trust that these are indeed a good set of answers.’

‘Yeah, I’ve thought about it,’ Ray said, feeling rather dispirited by the whole prospect. Imagine that – not only going back to school for the first time in almost a week tomorrow, which was a Monday and Mondays were always bad – but also facing Frank, his ex-best-friend and one-time-lover.

‘You haven’t seen him since that night…?’ Benton asked in a hushed tone, tactfully dropping his gaze to the papers and books spread before him. The boy really looked rather adorable when he flushed like that. Ray wondered if all Canadians were shy.

‘Since that night Frank and I had sex?’ Ray supplied sourly, and a little nastily under the circumstances. ‘I talked to him the next morning before school started, and I saw him in classes that day.’

‘Then you haven’t seen him since that following night, when he had you beaten up. Have you?’

Ray let out a sigh. ‘No.’

A silence stretched before Benton asked, ‘Ray?’

‘Yes, Benny?’

‘Do you still love him?’

‘I don’t know.’ Ray just felt kind of numb, really, now he thought about it. Except he was scared at the thought of confronting Frank in the morning, and pretending that everything was all right when it really wasn’t, pretending that Ray wanted to make amends… And did he really want to set Frank up, this young man to whom Ray had offered his love and his whole damned life only a week before? ‘I don’t know.’

‘Ray, may I tell you something? May I share another confidence with you?’

‘Sure.’ Ray sighed again, feeling terribly unsettled and figuring nothing was going to change that. ‘Go right ahead, Benny.’

‘Well, Ray, when I was thirteen years old, I had a friend – a best friend – named Mark Smithbauer. We used to play hockey together. He’s… he’s the one who called me Ben.’

‘Yeah, you mentioned that,’ Ray confirmed, recalling the night he and Benton first met. Remembering sitting in the back of that taxi in this beautiful boy’s arms, feeling rather ridiculously jealous that anyone else was on such familiar terms with Benton.

The boy seemed pleased that Ray had been paying that much attention. He continued, ‘Perhaps I should have told you about this before, Ray, but it’s something I’ve kept private for four years now, and I’m finding that some of the habits of solitude are more difficult to break than others.’

‘That’s cool,’ Ray said, not even bothering to speculate about what was coming. ‘Just spit it out.’

‘Well, Mark and I had a relationship of sorts. I mean, we were friends, very close friends, and we were only thirteen, nothing ever really happened between us, and…’

Ray slowly eased up onto an elbow, the better to watch Benton while he stumbled through this confession.

‘…my grandparents insisted that we move to another town before anything really had the chance to develop, and to this day I have no real idea whether they suspected how I felt – I’ve regretted that lost opportunity ever since, though as I say I was very young, and perhaps neither Mark nor I would have done anything more than acknowledge the possible nature of the relationship…’ In utter confusion, the boy lost his momentum somewhere.

‘What are you telling me, Benny?’ Ray asked.

‘I suppose I wanted to reassure you, Ray, that I do understand something of what you’re going through.’

‘You’re telling me that you’re queer, too. Or, at least, you once felt you might be.’

‘Yes.’

‘Thanks,’ Ray said. And he offered his friend a smile, for what must have been a difficult admission. ‘I really mean it – thanks. I was beginning to feel like I was the only guy in the whole damned world who felt like this.’

‘You’re certainly not alone,’ Benton quickly said. ‘Estimates vary, but many people speculate that up to ten percent of the population have some kind of sexual experience with people of their own gender.’

Ray had already groaned and fallen back across the bed halfway through this speech. ‘Don’t give me facts and figures, Benny, they don’t mean shit to me.’

‘Oh.’

‘I’m sorry. It’s just that… I’m worried about seeing Frank again tomorrow, all right? I have no idea what he’ll say, or what he’ll do, or… Well, I guess the problem is that I have no idea how I’ll react to him. Seeing him again, handsome bastard that he is, I might want to fall into his arms all over again. And I don’t think that would be the smartest thing I’ve ever done, you know?’

‘Ray…’

There was a desperate note in Benton’s voice – and when Ray lifted his head, he saw a plea on Benton’s beautiful face. But once again, Ray just could not fathom what Benton wanted from him. ‘What?’

A long moment before Benton said, ‘Please don’t fall into Frank’s arms, Ray. I honestly believe the relationship does you far more harm than good.’

‘Well, I’ll do my best,’ Ray said darkly, sprawling back on the bed again. ‘I’ll do my best.’

♦

Monday morning. Ray waited just inside the school gates, watching Frank holding court as he did every morning. Frank’s loyal subjects were groveling to him, or hanging around with a casual attitude that was meant to be cool but really looked painfully self-conscious. Though none of that could detract from the attractiveness of the assured young man who sat on the most desirable bench in the schoolyard.

And eventually Frank noticed Ray, and stared at him for a long moment with his face blank. It would be obvious that Ray was waiting there to speak to Frank – but perhaps Frank hadn’t been expecting that, perhaps Frank had thought Ray would avoid him, would simply wallow alone in his confusion and hurt and resentment. Ray stared back at the boy, trying not to think of how good it had been to take Frank’s manhood into his mouth. Trying instead to convey the thought, _Hey, it takes more than a beating to make me feel rejected_. 

The court was dismissed. A few of them were unsurprised to see that they’d been considered as less interesting right now than Ray Vecchio – Ray supposed everyone knew he and Frank had been friends of a different type than most of Frank’s allies and acquaintances. Presumably no one knew exactly _how_ different that had become for a few minutes last Monday night.

‘Hey, Ray,’ Frank greeted him, amiable though undeniably wary. It seemed Frank had no idea what to expect from Ray this morning.

‘Frank.’

A short though difficult silence. Frank didn’t bother pretending that he wasn’t examining the cut on Ray’s temple, the bruised and swollen lower lip, the cast on Ray’s arm, the careful way Ray held his chest and stomach. At last Frank asked, ‘You doing all right?’

‘I’m healing.’

‘You know,’ Frank said with concern, ‘I think the boys got carried away, they just had to have their little bit of fun, and I want to apologize for that.’

And the weird thing was that Frank actually did feel like his easy anxiety and concern were genuine – when, if Frank was really a decent kind of guy, the beating wouldn’t have happened in the first place. How did someone’s thinking get so bent out of shape like that? Ray found himself feeling profoundly sorry for the boy, and profoundly scared of what Frank might become.

‘Well,’ Ray said, ‘I got the message, Frank. They made sure I understood your answer was no.’

‘All right,’ the boy replied, nodding, and waiting for what else Ray had to say.

‘I won’t be asking you that question again. But I figure, if we can’t be lovers, and even if we can’t be friends, Frank, we still don’t have to be enemies. So, this is a peace offering, all right?’

‘Of _course_ we don’t have to be enemies…’ A jovial tone now – as if _that_ was appropriate.

‘I have some stuff here you might find useful.’ Ray slipped a manila folder out of his bag, and handed it over. ‘Well, it’s only the answers to all the exams, as near as we can figure them. I reckon if you just memorize these you’ll get a pretty damned good score. Better than study sheets, right?’

Frank took a dazed moment to think about this. ‘So, how do you know what’s going to be in the exams?’

Ray looked at him, very levelly. ‘I broke into the head’s office the other night, and I took copies of the papers. But that’s just between you and me, right?’

Another dazed moment before Frank broke into the widest of grins. It seemed that he was impressed. ‘Way to go, Ray! I tell you what, there’s a place for you on my team any time you want it. I’m sorry the boys got carried away, but you know if we’re gonna have a working relationship then I need to know you won’t be lusting after me all the time.’ The grin grew sly for a moment – ‘Not _all_ the time.’ And then the boy’s face became serious again. ‘I admit it, I made a mistake – I underestimated you, Raymond.’

‘Yes, you did,’ said Ray. He felt kind of light-headed, like he wasn’t really part of the real world right now. ‘But don’t feel too bad about it – most people do…’

‘The way you looked at me that night,’ Frank was murmuring in explanation, ‘I wanted to try, Ray, and it was good what we did. But you took it all so seriously, and you made it real clear the next day you weren’t going to be tactful about it. I know you’ve got the hots for me and, well, I’m not saying I’m completely uninterested. We’ll just have to figure out a way to have our cake and eat it, too…’

Looking at the boy, Ray found it all too easy to remember everything that he’d felt for Frank. All of it – the friendship and the love and the passion. But it was indeed _remembering_ , it was emotions that had become memories. And even as Frank thought he was making things right between them, he was actually only making it obvious that he was a dishonest and manipulative bastard who wanted to take from Ray and use Ray – and maybe Ray would have made do with that, maybe Ray would have even continued to love Frank, if he didn’t now have a real friend and a genuine love in his life. Unreciprocated or not, what Ray felt for Benton Fraser was so far beyond what he could feel for Frank that it was pointless to compare.

But for the sake of the plan, Ray had to go along with this. For now. Until the plan unfolded, and his own thoughts and feelings were made obvious. ‘I guess that sounds good, Frank,’ Ray offered, knowing he sounded a bit vague. ‘We can at least try to get things back the way they were.’

‘Sure.’ Frank smiled at Ray, as handsome and as smooth as ever. The bell rang, interrupting the moment and all its potential. ‘But for now let’s just get to class.’

♦

Benton was waiting in the street outside the school when classes were over for the day. He was trying to just blend in and remain unnoticed, but such a goal was doomed to failure – Benton was so damned beautiful, for a start, and of course he was a stranger. All the kids stared at him as they walked by, curious and fascinated in varying degrees.

Elaine got to Benton before Ray did, and they were conversing together. That lovely smile of Elaine’s was being applied in full measure, though its only real effect seemed to be to make Benton a little nervous. Given that Elaine was usually a lot smarter and rather more subtle than that, Ray felt a bit impatient with her. She was going about this all wrong. Not that Ray was exactly an expert in the pursuit of love, he sourly reminded himself. It could not be said lately that he was successful in this area…

‘Hey, Benny,’ Ray said as he reached them. ‘Hello, Elaine.’

The three of them walked along together for a while, at a slow enough pace for Ray to be comfortable with. But Elaine soon headed off, in the direction of her home, with a few regretful looks back over her shoulder at Benton.

‘How do you feel about that?’ Ray asked. ‘About girls throwing themselves at you?’

A moment’s pause, before Benton confessed, ‘Well, it can be a little disconcerting, Ray.’

‘Do they do that in Canada, too?’

‘Not that I ever noticed.’

‘You gonna take any of them up on it?’ When Ray looked over at his friend, he saw that Benton had flushed pink again. Adorable. Ray continued, ‘Franny would kill me for saying this, but if you want my advice, I think you’d do fine with Elaine. She’s pretty special. Not that Franny isn’t – but I reckon Franny’s still a bit young to know what she’s getting into.’

There was no reply to this. After they’d walked another block, Benton looked around him to ensure that they were alone, and then asked, ‘How did your encounter with Frank go?’

‘All right. He took the exam papers. He was pretty damned impressed with me over that. Offered me a place on his team.’

Benton was looking directly at Ray, and not even trying to hide his worry.

‘He also said he wasn’t completely uninterested in having sex with me.’

‘And how did you respond…?’

Ray offered his new friend a smile, aware that he’d been teasing. ‘Oh, I just went along with whatever he said. But I figured I just don’t feel the same way about him anymore, and why should I? So you can stop fretting over it, because I didn’t fall into his arms. Didn’t even want to, really, though he’s still a handsome bastard.’

For some reason, Benton was grinning fit to burst. ‘That’s good, Ray.’

‘Yes, it is,’ Ray agreed easily, wondering why on earth Benton was reacting so strongly.

‘That’s really rather splendid.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Because I love you, Ray.’

Ray smiled wryly to himself, feeling half-glad and half-wistful. ‘I love you, too, Benny. We’re friends, right?’

‘Oh.’ A long moment passed, then Benton said, ‘Yes, we’re friends.’ He sounded sad now, perhaps puzzled – and Ray’d thought Italian-Americans had overly changeable emotions… Obviously Canadians did, too. ‘Yes, we most certainly are friends, Ray.’ They walked a little further, and then Benton asked, ‘Is there some place we could go – somewhere that is significant to you?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I need to talk to you. Do you have a place where you like to go when you’re on your own? Somewhere private, perhaps.’

Ray frowned at him. ‘This might sound crazy, but I always hang around those basketball courts.’

‘Where I first met you?’

‘Yeah, where I was beaten up. They’re just down here.’ Ray wasn’t real keen on taking the detour, though he had to admit that walking seemed to ease the remaining stiffness of his injuries. He led Benton down the next cross-street. ‘There are bad memories here, other stuff with Frank. But there are good memories, too, and basketball is the best thing some of us have.’

‘I understand. At least, I understand about basketball, because hockey was one of the best things my friends and I used to have.’

‘And the good and bad mixed in together is like life, right?’

‘Yes, I suppose so.’

They were at the courts within a few minutes, and Ray sank down to sit on a bench. Almost a week ago, he’d waited here for Frank, with hopes that now seemed absurd. Ray idly watched a few of the kids playing an impromptu game on the furthest court, and he let out a tired sigh. ‘What did you want to talk about, Benny?’

Benton, who’d been hovering uncertainly, now sat down next to Ray. For a while, the boy’s thoughts seemed to be a hundred miles away, but eventually he turned to face Ray – and then his gaze became so focused and so direct that Ray almost blushed. Strange, to be examined so… intimately, out here where anyone could see them.

And then Benton murmured, ‘When I tell you I love you, Ray, I’m afraid you’re not taking my meaning.’

‘No?’

‘No,’ Benton said firmly.

‘You don’t love me as a friend?’

‘Yes, of course I love you as a friend, but there’s more to it than that.’

In a wild dawning of hope, Ray’s heart swelled until he thought it would burst out through his cracked ribs. He became aware of the fact that he was grinning like a loon, but seemed unable to prevent it.

Benton was continuing, ‘I’ve been trying to convey this to you, but you don’t hear me or see me or understand me. I thought that was because you loved Frank, but now you say those feelings are in the past for you. Though you’re still not hearing me, Ray – I _love_ you. I began falling in love with you the very first night we met, when you were so brave and so honest. I have been falling ever since, I am _still_ falling. Perhaps you don’t want me, perhaps that’s why you won’t hear me, though I have been flattering myself that you feel some attraction to me…’

‘You love me?’ Ray asked, dazedly. ‘Why?’

‘Why…?’ Benton echoed. ‘I don’t know if it’s possible to put all of it into words, but I feel very strongly that something in you belongs with something in me. I wish I could explain it better than that, Ray.’ And Benton’s voice was urgent in his need to communicate a message he apparently feared was impossible to verbalize. The young man tried again. ‘Something in you connects directly to something in me. So very directly…’ A quiet moan of frustration, and then Benton seemed to give that up. Instead, he examined Ray, and Benton’s expression became anxious. ‘I’m sorry if I’m pushing too far, too soon. I really only want what’s best for you, Ray.’

‘See, that’s what must have been so confusing,’ Ray said lightly. ‘No one ever wants what’s best for me.’

‘Not even you?’

Ray’s grin didn’t fade, though it did twist wryly. ‘Ah, but I want you, Benny…’

‘Does that mean I’m not best for you?’

‘No, you idiot. It means I’m learning at last.’ They just sat there and stared at each other for a while, unable to express themselves any other way in this public place. And perhaps they wouldn’t have wanted to do anything else right now, anyway. _Imagine_ , Ray thought, _this beautiful young man loving me_ … He eventually said, ‘I guess I didn’t hear you, because I think you’re too good for me.’

‘Ray, is it possible, then,’ Benton asked carefully, ‘that in time you could come to love me, too?’

‘Oh yeah,’ Ray breathed, ‘I already do love you, Benny. I definitely love you, I absolutely love you. I’ll give you everything I am, I’ll do anything for you, no conditions and no questions.’

Benton was smiling at him. Just a small smile, but a supremely happy one. ‘Thank you,’ he murmured.

With a sudden burst of exasperation, Ray asked, ‘Doesn’t it mean anything to you, that I made the same offer to someone else almost exactly a week ago?’

‘It means all the world that you offer your love to me now, Ray.’

‘But that makes me so fickle. Changeable. How can you trust me?’

‘Frank wasn’t wise enough to accept your offer. If he did, I’m sure you would have committed yourself to him, and you would have remained true to him. Luckily for me, you’re free to commit yourself to me instead.’

Ray stared at the young man sitting beside him. ‘I do, Benny, I commit myself to you.’

In the most even of tones, Benton said, ‘I would very much like to kiss you right now, Ray.’ And the evenness itself betrayed how much he wanted that.

‘Then we’d better go home to my place,’ Ray said, unable to match Benton’s exterior calmness. And he stood, moving with almost as much alacrity as his new friend. His new lover. Ray just couldn’t stop smiling.

♦

Ray closed his bedroom door, and jammed the chair up under the handle. And then he turned to face Benton. The boy was standing there, waiting, a few feet away. They stared at each other for a moment. Ray discovered he was so nervous that his hands were shaking.

And then Benton murmured, ‘Please kiss me, Ray,’ and the request was so heartfelt, and Benton’s feelings were so clearly different to what Frank’s had been a week ago, that Ray felt thoroughly reassured.

He walked towards his friend, walked close so that they stood within inches of each other. Benton tilted his head, leaned closer, and touched his mouth to Ray’s with alarming tenderness. A chaste kiss again – though, now that Ray knew better, it was obvious that it wasn’t chaste at all. Ray had simply misinterpreted Benton’s polite and tentative and uncertain offers until now. Another chaste pressing of Benton’s mouth to his, and then a longer kiss, with those lovely lips moving and that tongue-tip exploring. Apparently not wanting to hurt Ray’s lip, however, the kiss was a careful one, very loving.

And that was beautiful, but Ray wanted more. He eased his arms around Benton’s waist, ensuring that the plaster cast did not spoil the mood this time. One of Benton’s arms circled Ray’s shoulders, and the boy’s other hand shaped itself to the nape of Ray’s neck. And then they were kissing properly, with all the previously-thwarted passion they shared in full measure. It was incredible.

Benton broke away for a moment. ‘Am I hurting you?’ he asked, his need betrayed by a hint of raggedness in his breathing, his love glowing from those hot blue eyes.

‘No,’ Ray whispered, ‘you’re kissing me better.’ And it was true – all the pain that Sal Vecchio and Frank Zuko had caused Ray, all of it just melted away in Benton Fraser’s embrace.

They stood there kissing for what felt like forever, and it still wasn’t long enough.

♦

For some strange reason, Ray’s sister Maria was fond of Tony Rezza, a good-natured lug in Ray’s year at school. Ray could never fathom the attraction – but as he didn’t really expect Maria to understand his own choices, Ray just accepted the situation. The trouble was, Ray reflected, there just weren’t enough beautiful blue-eyed Canadians to go around, and therefore Maria would have to make do as best she could.

Strange attractions aside, what Ray _was_ clear about was that Tony was one of the people who did business with Frank Zuko. However, ‘I’m not accusing you of anything,’ Ray found himself smoothly saying to Tony on Tuesday morning. ‘I’m just asking you to pass on some advice to anyone you know who _does_ deal with Frank.’

‘Well,’ Tony said with a puzzled frown, after giving this all due consideration, ‘I guess I can do that.’

‘I have reason to believe that Frank may try to sell some answers for the examinations next week. I also have reason to believe that it wouldn’t do people any good to use those answers.’

‘How come?’

‘Because… I have it on good authority that someone’s setting Frank up with the wrong answers, all right?’

Tony looked at Ray for a long moment. ‘Who’d be stupid enough to do that?’

‘Someone with suicidal tendencies.’

‘You’re right about that,’ Tony said. ‘Have you thought this all the way through, Ray?’

Ignoring the question, Ray continued, ‘Someone who doesn’t want anyone else to get dragged down with Frank and his trainee goons, OK?’

‘OK,’ said Tony. ‘I’ll make sure people know. There’s not that many involved, actually. And… I’ll pray you don’t end up with another plaster cast by the end of the semester.’

Ray smiled at the kid, deciding that maybe Maria had glimpsed something that no one else had. ‘Thanks, Tony.’ And they shook hands on it.

♦

‘Hey, why don’t you tell your father that you want to come to my school after the vacation?’ Ray asked Benton. ‘It’s mostly Catholic, but heathens are welcome, especially since we turned co-ed.’

They were lying sprawled back on Ray’s bed, books and study sheets surrounding them, idly talking about everything and anything and nothing in particular. Ray felt like he’d found a little piece of heaven on earth. His right hand was intertwined with Benton’s left, and their fingers and palms were gently communicating about something very specific indeed.

Benton didn’t immediately answer Ray’s question, though. And when Ray glanced over at him, Benton just shook his head no.

‘Why not? Don’t you want to? We’d have a great time together.’

‘Yes, I’m sure we would. However, I’ve found that whenever I want something very much, that’s when we move away, or he refuses me, or I lose it somehow.’

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Ray said happily.

‘I know.’

‘You’re stuck with me.’ Ray felt secure enough now to actually laugh. ‘So, does that mean you don’t really want me?’

‘You know very well it doesn’t mean that. I suppose I’m afraid he’ll make sure we move back to Canada, or he’ll send me to another school on the other side of town, or he’ll tell me I can’t see you anymore, you’re a bad influence on me.’

‘I understand.’

‘You believe me?’ asked Benton. ‘I’ve only said that to one other person, one of my teachers – and she told me that I was being unreasonable. She told me that my father always knew what was best for me.’

Ray let out a wry groan. ‘Yeah, right. Fathers always know best. Don’t sweat it, Benny. We’re in this together, and we’ll do what we have to do to make sure your old man, and mine, don’t interfere.’

Benton looked surprised. Hopeful. ‘Yes?’

‘Hey, if any of those bad things happen, we’ll work something out, OK?’

‘OK,’ Benton said. And they lay there smiling at each other inanely for a while. Until Benton said, ‘I really think it’s time for me to leave.’

Ray’s heart contracted. ‘No, please don’t,’ he asked. He couldn’t see himself ever managing to get enough of Benton’s company.

‘But you should be studying for your exams next week, and all I seem to be doing is distracting you.’

Well, Ray couldn’t deny that. ‘But I don’t want you to go,’ Ray said. ‘I don’t think I need to study much more, anyway. It gets to a certain point where you do more harm than good going back over and over the same old stuff. No use losing interest in it, after all, or trying to cram too much in.’

Benton looked at him, apparently unready or unwilling or unable to argue with Ray. ‘It’s not that I _want_ to go…’ he murmured. After long moments of thoughtful consideration, Benton announced, ‘You’re a very handsome young man, Ray Vecchio.’

Ray laughed. ‘Now I _know_ you’re in love with me.’

‘Why is that?’

‘Because love is blind.’

‘Oh no,’ Benton said, lightly dismissing this notion. ‘I think I see you very clearly.’

And Ray found himself whispering, ‘What do you see?’

‘Your eyes. The first of your attributes that draws my attention is your eyes. They are warm, a lovely hazel color that glows green when you feel something strongly – as you often do. And they are so very open and expressive and willing to trust, even though you’ve been hurt.’

‘Well, all right,’ Ray said, grudgingly accepting the compliment. ‘But that doesn’t make up for my receding hairline and my unbelievable nose –’

‘Your noble brow and your proud nose display your intelligent and uncompromising character,’ Benton corrected him.

Ray stared at him in disbelief. ‘What about this big mouth of mine? Have you looked at my Pop’s mouth? It’s revolting, lips all slack and rubbery – and mine’s well on its way to becoming just like it.’

‘You have a very sensual mouth, Ray, and over the years you will be putting it to far sweeter uses.’

 _Oh my_ … Ray closed his eyes for a moment, inundated with images of getting his mouth onto any part of Benton that the boy would allow him access to. He let out an involuntary groan, overcome with need.

‘When you kiss me,’ Benton was continuing in a provocative murmur, ‘your lips are so expressive and stimulating that I find myself close to reaching orgasm – every time you kiss me, from the touch of your mouth on mine, no more and no less.’

‘Benny, don’t…’ Ray whispered helplessly.

‘You are so very attractive to me.’

‘No.’ A last desperate effort. ‘I’m too gawky, too clumsy.’

‘On the contrary, you are tall and strong. Now that you are letting the pain go, there is a lithe and limber quality to your movements. I dream of soon seeing you walk with all your natural pride and grace.’

Ray clutched at Benton’s hand, and turned his gaze to the ceiling. ‘ _You’re_ the beautiful one in this relationship,’ Ray declared.

‘Oh dear,’ said Benton with some amusement. ‘Well, perhaps we must manage as best we can on the basis that we each think the other is beautiful.’

‘Benny?’

‘Yes, Ray?’

‘Do you want to have sex?’

Silence. Ray turned his head to look at his friend again, and was met by those blue eyes glowing hot. But Benton made no move, gave Ray no sign of encouragement, spoke no words.

‘I mean, would you like to make love to me?’ Ray stumbled on, blushing horribly. ‘We could do – well, I was thinking that anything you want to do would be all right with me. Anything. You know what I mean?’

‘Thank you, Ray,’ Benton whispered in reply. A long moment stretched as the young man swallowed hard, still staring at Ray with those lovely needy eyes. ‘I appreciate such a generous offer. And I would love to make love with you…’

Another silence. ‘You’d love to… _but_ what?’ asked Ray.

‘But perhaps we shouldn’t rush this. I honestly want only what’s best for you.’

‘And what’s best for _us_?’

‘I don’t know.’ Benton gave him a rueful smile. ‘I want you, Ray, I want you very much. It’s a powerful feeling, and it would be very easy to give in to it right now. But I also respect you, and love you, and my instincts are telling me that perhaps we shouldn’t rush this, perhaps we should just let things progress naturally.’

Ray let out a groan. ‘If I let anything progress naturally right now, I’d jump you.’

Benton laughed, gently and appreciatively. ‘I understand that impulse all too well.’

‘But I guess you’re right,’ Ray admitted. ‘I guess I know it’s better to wait.’

‘Well, perhaps we needn’t wait long,’ Benton said. The young man shifted up to lie on his side, facing Ray, propping himself up on an elbow. If he’d done that a moment or two earlier, Ray would have expected a kiss – as it was, Benton seemed to want to say something even more confidential. ‘From what you described of your encounter with Frank,’ he began.

Ray closed his eyes, not wanting his memories of Frank to taint his love for Benton. Not any more than they had to, anyway.

‘I have given this a great deal of thought in idle moments, and I assure you, Ray, that if you ever wanted to perform such an act with me, it would be most welcome. Most welcome. However, I believe that once we get around to such activities, then something a little more mutual would suit us better. Perhaps… we could share what is commonly referred to as a sixty-niner?’

Ray’s eyes flew open, and he stared at Benton – devastated by Benton’s suggestion, and by his own hunger for it, and by the very fact that Benton had been day-dreaming about such things. ‘Oh God…’ Ray groaned. And, with all the impassioned urgency of true love and true lust combined, Ray pulled Benton down into a kiss.

And they lay there together on Ray’s bed, fully-clothed, getting each other thoroughly hot and bothered and distracted and frustrated, all in the nicest possible ways. _Yeah, heaven on earth_ , Ray thought when they were done. _Heaven couldn’t possibly get any better than this_.

♦

Two weeks later, Ray lay sprawled alone on his bed, reflecting on the happy fact that he and Benton weren’t going to be able to stand in the way of natural progress much longer.

The phone rang, but Ray thought nothing of it until he heard his Pop climbing laboriously up the stairs, and yelling from the landing – ‘Ray! Get down here and take this call.’

‘Yeah, Pop.’ Ray got off the bed, and headed out into the hall, wondering why his father had even bothered. Sal Vecchio had been known to simply hang up if a call was for any of his children.

But Ray was given an explanation as he passed Sal, as Ray trotted down the stairs at a pace his father hadn’t managed in years. ‘It’s the Zuko kid,’ Sal announced.

‘Thanks, Pop,’ said Ray, his heart suddenly pounding. This could only mean one thing. And Salvatore Vecchio’s respect for Carl Zuko’s son was a result of all the reasons Ray had for being afraid right now. Reaching the foyer, Ray picked up the phone, and very quietly said, ‘Hello, Frank.’

‘Raymond Vecchio…’ A long pause. Oh yeah, Frank would want to make Ray suffer through this. ‘I really did underestimate you, didn’t I?’

‘I guess so.’

‘Well, don’t go getting too cocky, OK? Don’t go thinking you’re clever. This is a very minor embarrassment, this isn’t anything my father can’t clear up.’

‘Whatever you say. But we’re even now, Frank. It’s over, we’re quits. Understand?’

‘Are you saying we’re enemies, Ray? After all we’ve been through together?’

‘No.’ And Ray whispered, ‘We’re not lovers or friends or enemies or anything. You and me, we’re nothing.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ Frank replied in his urbane and friendly and reasonable tone. Frank usually got exactly what he wanted when he talked like that to people. ‘It’s that new kid, isn’t it, Raymond? The Canadian I keep hearing about, the son of a Mountie. You got the hots for him, and he put you up to this.’

Not deigning to confirm or deny such speculation, Ray remained silent.

‘You proved yourself, OK? He could join the team, too, Ray. You could both join my team.’

Ray felt a twinge of sympathy for this lonely boy – but Ray was so much clearer now about what he wanted and what he deserved. In the gentlest but firmest voice he could manage, Ray said, ‘Goodbye, Frank,’ and he hung up the phone.

Taking a breath, Ray turned away, took another steadying breath, and then headed upstairs again. Benton was coming over for dinner, and then they’d have the whole evening to themselves, uninterrupted by study or anything. The long glorious summer vacation stretched before Ray, filled with dreams of spending every day with the beautiful young man who loved him… Ray smiled, content. Who’d ever have suspected life could be this good?

♦


End file.
